<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>A Time of Truth by Eccehomo</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28307886">A Time of Truth</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eccehomo/pseuds/Eccehomo'>Eccehomo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:15:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>34,204</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28307886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eccehomo/pseuds/Eccehomo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Part I: REVOLVE hosts a birthday party for Harry Styles. Louis Tomlinson is a guest who surprises Harry with more than just his appearance.</p><p>Part II: Zayn arrives to the party and chaos ensues.</p><p>Part III: Louis asks Harry to check under the bed and Harry's face remains permanently shocked.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Louis' Confession</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Admittingly, I was a little high one night and this scene played out in my mind. I didn't intend to publish it but since I can't shake it off, I figured, why not? It's also a complete coincidence that this story is about Harry's Birthday and here I am publishing it on Louis' birthday. I swear to you. Complete coincidence. It's set in the future, meant for February 1, 2021.  Hope you enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Remind me why I agreed to come to this?” Louis scoffs as he looks up at poorly decorated party house. It’s a three story modern looking house decked out in a retro theme décor – the two completely juxtaposed. The house has far too many windows and straight edged panes that seem to break the house apart in geometrical shapes. Louis’ distaste easily shows on his face. It’s really unfitting.</p><p>“Because I have to represent the brand and you being my boyfriend…” She looks over at him as he puts the car in park  “should try to support me once in a while.”</p><p>“El…” Louis sighs. “You always have me support, I just can’t see why Revolve had to throw Harry of all people a birthday party and why I have to be here.”</p><p>Eleanor sighs loudly and rolls her eyes to magnify her annoyance. “You know what Louis…” She unbuckles her seatbelt and reaches in the back for her purse and Harry’s gift. “Thanks for dropping me off. I’ll send your regards to everyone and make up yet another excuse for your typical no-shows. Have a great night!” She makes a show of leaving the car and slams the door. She doesn’t hesitate in her long strides over the gravel road and doesn’t turn back once. Louis lets his head fall onto the steering wheel as he sighs loudly.</p><p>She is adamant. Louis knows she won’t easily forgive or forget this one. She’s been talking about it for the whole 3 weeks since she’s received the invitation. To her, it was getting back into the spotlight after a much dark quarantine period. She spent a great deal of time picking out the right outfit and a perfect gift which Louis didn’t want to be responsible for. Perhaps he’ll let her have this one. Just this one time for her efforts spent.</p><p>He pretends to bang his head against the steering wheel three times before finally looking up with a defeated look on his face. She’s disappeared from view. Louis rushes to get out and run after her. He doesn’t want to be here but he is more adverse to arriving alone. To his dismay, she’s already inside when he makes it to the door. The Revolve representatives nod at him and offer a bracelet which he politely declines. Everyone knows his name here. There’s no reason for it he justifies.</p><p>xx</p><p>To his luck, a familiar face is just one of the many he spots as soon as he’s entered the door. He walks closer to the taller frame.</p><p>“Liam-fucking-Payne.” Louis say loud enough for Liam to turn around and break from the conversation he’s immersed in. Liam smirks knowing that voice all too well. He scans Louis from top to bottom just for good measure and to be certain that it’s truly Louis who stands before him.</p><p>“Well, well, well… look who decided to grace us with his presence.” Liam says he as sidles up to him. Louis just smirks back at him before the two embrace each other.</p><p>“Long time.” Liam says with a squeeze to Louis’ shoulder.</p><p>“Yeah, well, with the quarantine and all.. was hard to see people.”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s been a shit year plus some but heyyy” Liam extends his arms, “vaccines to the rescue.” Louis can smell the alcohol penetrating his breath. He smiles back at him and peeps his head in to look around the rooms situated on both sides of the entrance. He scans familiar faces he hasn’t seen or heard from in ages. Everyone seems to be taken by their discourses or selfie shoots that no one seems to notice he is there and truthfully, he is glad. He needs to warm up a bit. It’s been a long time since he’s been to large gatherings and social events that its eerily strange, like he’s forgotten the unwritten rules of how to blend in and mingle.</p><p>“You want a drink?” Liam asks, now standing behind him as Louis edges closer to the room on the right side. “No thanks.” Louis says. “I think I’ll hold off for now until I’m settled in.”</p><p>“Cool.”</p><p>Louis spots Lottie, Lou, Sophia, Gemma and Eleanor all lounging by the end of the room where the glass walls have been pushed open to create an indoor and outdoor flow ambiance.</p><p>“I’m going to go say hi to Lou.” Louis turns back to Liam who is already looking in that same direction.</p><p>“Good, I’ll come with you.” He says not taking his eyes off the target.</p><p>They walk side by side, Louis is looking ahead hoping not to be stopped by anyone on the way over. “Where are the boys?” He asks Liam. “They’re upstairs.” He answers while grabbing two glasses of wine off a platter that’s moving around. Louis pretends not to notice. “What’s upstairs?” He asks again. “Plenty of things but we were in a room designated as Harry’s change room or something.”  He looks down at Louis to study his reaction but Louis remains nonchalant. “Probably still up there.” Liam adds in but Louis doesn’t push further. They start to close the gap but they are seen from a few feet away and Lou is already up on her feet with her arms spread open and a smile growing on her face. Louis looks over to Eleanor. She gives him a firm but pleasant smile that insinuates some forgiveness and he feels a little relieved. After greeting Lou and partaking in casual conversation with the girls, Louis decides it’s time to see the boys and perhaps have a drink.</p><p>“El, I’m heading upstairs to see the boys, I’ll take Harry’s gift if you haven’t given it to him yet.” She shakes her head ‘no’ and leans over the center Ottoman to retrieve the gift. “Here.” She hands it over to Louis who is now pre-occupied with Liam. “If you don’t mind Louis, I’m just going to stay put a little longer.” Liam whispers back. Louis nods at him and lets his eyes trail over to Sophia who pretends not to notice when Louis connects the dots. She smiles earnestly and Louis gives her a sympathetic smile in turn. He turns away from them and heads towards the south side staircase that connects to the back room. He doesn’t know why they ever broke up but thinks they were a pretty decent match from what he remembers.    </p><p>xx</p><p>It takes all but a few seconds before Louis spots the room that is plastered with Harry’s name in sequence. Another clashy effort he thinks. He walks in without as much a knock or hesitance. To his surprise, the room is empty except for a few outfits spread on the bed and some bottles littering the adjoining nightstands.</p><p>“Hello?” He yells out walking through the bedroom and peering into the master bathroom. “One Direction?!?” He screams out a second time but no response comes. When he rounds the corner he sees the sliding door to the balcony. Oh what the heck, he’ll check there too. When he steps outside he finds Harry casually sitting back on a patio chair with his feet up.</p><p>“Ahh, birthday boy!” He startles Harry from his thoughts and it takes him a few seconds to register Louis’ presence. “Louis?” He responds as if questioning the thought. “Yes sir. Happy Birthday!” He smiles and hands him the gift. Harry stands up and gently takes the gift from his hands. “Where are the others?” Louis asks quickly.</p><p>“Thank you.” Harry says while examining the gift that he places on the table. He looks back to Louis who stands nervously with his hands dug into his pockets and weight rolled back onto his heels. “They uh..” Harry licks his lips, “went downstairs just a few minutes ago.”</p><p>“Ah! bummer.. I guess I’ll have to go hunt them down.” Louis looks around at the balcony and its surroundings. There’s a forest not too far that seems to extend across the horizon which is towered over by the mountains and hills of San Antonio, California. It’s a rather beautiful view and he can understand the appeal in this property just not so much the décor that Revolve plastered about.</p><p>“Why are you sitting up here alone?” He asks, quickly followed by “shouldn’t you be downstairs at your own party?”</p><p>Harry sits back down and lifts a glass to his lips before responding. He seems to be wallowing in deep thoughts. This better not be some long answer that will bore Louis to death. He wants to roll his eyes at Harry’s stretched silence but he won’t because it’s Harry’s birthday and he needs to be polite or pretend to be, even if for a few minutes.</p><p>“I -- ” Harry starts, still looking into the distance, “- just want to be in a quiet, Zen place.”</p><p>Louis scoffs. <em>Zen. </em>Of course he’d say something like that.  “Right.” Louis shrugs his eyebrows. “Probably should’ve thought of that before agreeing to Revolve hosting your party.” Harry’s eyes snap up to Louis. His eyes look dark and unwelcoming Louis thinks. His own eyes scan Harry’s body once over. It’s been a while since he’s seen Harry this casual. Or rather, seen pictures of Harry looking this casual. “I only agreed because they were going under with all their business put on hold because of the whole covid situation.” He says. Louis nods silently as Harry takes another sip of his drink. “Well, that’s very noble of you.” Louis asserts with indifference before removing his hands from his pocket and preparing to take off. “So the boys are downstairs then?”</p><p>“Only Niall and Liam.” He answers while looking away and pretending not to notice Louis’ hasty attempt to remove himself from Harry’s company.</p><p>“Oh…” Louis stops in his tracks and looks back at Harry. “I’ve already seen Liam on me way up. Where’s Zayn?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Harry looks back to him and shrugs further into his seat. “Reps said he RSVP yes but haven’t seen him yet.”</p><p>Louis scoffs again. “Typical Zayn.” He says with confidence and pretending as if he meant to attend the party willingly.</p><p>Harry winces at his response and shoots him a dark glare. “Don’t –” he hisses. “Don’t do that.”</p><p>“Don’t do what?” Louis says pretending to be ignorant of the fact.</p><p>“You know what.” Harry’s voice grows louder.</p><p>“It’s the truth though. He’s a bailout. You know that.”</p><p>“No.” Harry says recoiling in his seat and bringing his feet up. “He’s not. He’s got a newborn baby at home that’s more important than this party. And quit pretending like you’ve been aching to attend this dreadful party with a bunch of spotlight hungry yoohoos.”</p><p>Louis doesn’t mean to laugh at that but he does. <em>Yoohoos</em>. That’s a good one. He’ll give him that. Harry meets his eyes and Louis can see the corner of his mouth threatening to betray him into a smile or a laugh. “It’s not funny.” He sneers. “It is.” Louis howls into laughter. “Yoohoooos.” He laughs again. Harry lets up and chuckles under his breath. “You know what I mean.” He adds in. “I do.” Louis says coming down from his laughter.</p><p>“You want a drink?” Harry asks as he reaches for a refill. Louis doesn’t want to stay any longer than he means to but the yoohoos downstairs aren’t any better with their mundane conversations that flyover Louis’ head and fill his ears with idle chatter that he can do without. He sighs and gives in to the offer. “Sure, I’ll have some. You don’t mind if I light up do you?” Harry shakes his head ‘no’ as he pours into the second glass. “Do whatever you gotta do to survive. I don’t mind.”</p><p>Louis lights up a cigarette and takes a drag before taking the offered cup from Harry’s hand. “So you agree that this party is shit then?” Louis asks. Harry rolls his eyes and Louis catches it. “Well… it’s not my cup of tea.” Harry answers before taking a sip.</p><p>“What’s with the décor?” Louis asks because it’s truly bothering him. Harry leans back in his chair with a heavy sigh. “Beats me.” Louis takes a seat on one of the many patio chairs lining the balcony floor. “It’s hideous.” He’s opinionated, yes. He’s allowed to speak his mind though. He doesn’t think Harry minds it.</p><p>“They probably thought they were playing up to my style but it’s tacky.” Harry admits. “Even the outfits they picked out for me. I don’t know why they didn’t consult with my stylist.” His eyes grow wide and his eyebrows reach up to his hairline in mock surprise.</p><p>“So that’s why you are dressed like this?” Louis points his chin up at him. </p><p>“Yeah, for now.. I’ll have to put on one of their outfits when I make an appearance later.”</p><p>Louis feels himself smile with mischief. “Shouldn’t be too hard given that your own style has recently become rather.. unusual.” He raises an eyebrow in question and Harry stares back offended. “What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“You know what I mean.” His hands flail in the air.  “All those flamboyant looks.” He adds in with a smirk.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s called a trend. Everyone in Hollywood is doing it. Not just me.”</p><p>“Is that a lie you tell yourself?”</p><p>“No, not a lie, there’s Sam, Troy, Yungblood, Ezra, Jared, the guys from Queer Eye, I could go on -” Harry says but is quickly cut off by Louis who raises a hand in protest - “Please don’t.” He says while exhaling the smoke out.  “Congrats to you and the lads for setting yourselves apart and getting all our attention.”</p><p>“It’s not about attention. It’s about having a distinct look to go along with the legacy you leave behind like MJ and Prince.”</p><p>“Well in my opinion, you don’t need to dress like ventriloquist to get your fame. Adele does just fine with her stellar voice and classy dress.”</p><p>“Well some people get by on their voice but others like a little more, why are you judging?”   </p><p>“I’m not judging, I’m just saying YOU don’t need to go to that extent when you deliver your notes perfectly.” Louis hates to admit it but he feels his cheeks flush at the compliment.</p><p>“Well.. thanks I guess.” Harry furrows his brows like he’s debating whether he should drag out the argument or stop. It comes as no surprise that Louis mocks his fashion choices. He’s always deterred from anything that doesn’t have 3 stripes or a basic label.</p><p>“So speaking of fashion.” Louis interjects,  “I don’t want to take credit for what’s in that box. Thought I’d be honest and tell you El picked it out. She seems to understand your style more than meself so…”<br/><br/></p><p>“Oh.” Harry runs a careful hand over the gift wrapped package. “Thanks to Eleanor then.” He hesitantly adds in before perking up and pasting on a forced smile. “How is she doing?”</p><p>Louis stands up and flicks his cigarette over the railing.</p><p>“We have an ashtray you know.” Harry scolds pointing to the ashtray on the table.</p><p>“I didn’t see it.” Louis says but Harry looks at him disapprovingly. He raises his hands up in surrender. “I swear. I didn’t even know it was there.” He sits back down and leans forward to reach for his cup. “And she’s doing well.”</p><p>“Good.” Harry presses his lips together and avoids the tension in the air. “How about your family? your siblings and all?” He adds in with sincerity.</p><p>“They are doing well.” He nods. “Don’t see them as much as I like to but it is what it is.” He takes another sip from his drink avoiding Harry’s eyes.</p><p>“I never got a chance to call you and send you my condolences after Felicite’s passing. I’m truly sorry for your loss.”   </p><p>Louis smacks his lips together and nods again this time looking up at Harry with a pressed smile. “Thanks mate. I did get your flowers and text though.” He waves a hand in the air. “I should apologize. I never did get back to you but it was a hellish time. My phone was flooded with calls and texts and there was a lot to take care of so…”</p><p>“Yeah, no, I totally understand.” Harry breaks away from their eye contact. Something brewing in the hold that he can no longer stand. Too many unspoken words after all these years. There’s just so much he’d like to say but he can’t and he worries that his eyes will betray him. He clears his throat and proceeds to grab another bottle. “More champagne?” He asks Louis.</p><p>“Please.”</p><p>Harry is surprised that Louis has managed to sit with him for this long. It’s been a very long time since they’ve had time alone without interference. It goes without saying though, he truly misses their candid conversations where everything goes and neither side is stepping on eggshells or pre-occupied with the elephant in the room. He wonders if there will ever be a time again where they will share those carefree talks. Then again, it has been years and much has changed. The chances of that happening are slim, perhaps nil.</p><p>“I’m sorry about your father’s loss too.” Louis says seemingly out of nowhere and distracting Harry from his thoughts.</p><p>“Oh.” Harry’s words catch in his throat. He bobs his head up and closes his gaping mouth that fails at sounding words. He hands Louis’ cup back and clears his throat again. “Thanks Louis, I appreciate it.” Louis lingering stare on Harry’s lips after he says his name doesn’t go unnoticed. Harry feels too many things stir inside him. “I uh – like the song you wrote for your mum.” He says turning away.</p><p>Louis’ eyes twinkle at his admission.</p><p>“Thanks Harry.” He says with an emphasis on Harry’s name. Harry glances back to him and sees that he is already staring. It feels intense. It’s not imaginary and neither of them break away. Louis does this on purpose. Harry knows he does. Louis knows it will get to him and for some sadistic reason he thrives off it. Like a predator, Louis waits to see if there are any involuntarily movements in Harry’s body that betray him. He can see the boy’s chest rising and falling just a tad bit faster. He is getting a rise out of Harry and it secretly thrills him. It’s been a while, he thinks. Harry’s pupils dilate from the lingering stare and he finally breaks away having fought too hard to hold Louis’ stare. He does it as a defence mechanism, a means of showing up and proving to Louis he has come a long way from the young Harry he once unabashedly abused and tormented. But had he? Has Harry really grown stronger after all these years? Did he have skin thick enough to block Louis’ penetration?</p><p>The elephant in the room makes its grand appearance again and Harry feels put off. Too many things to say. Too many. He shakes his head in the opposite direction of Louis and to no one in particular, just to shake the thoughts out of his head. The silence grows yet.</p><p>“Did you write two ghosts and sweet creatures for me?” Louis asks and Harry feels his stomach plummet inside. Louis is actually going there. Is he really going to talk about them? Harry feels panic taking over his body, his adrenaline pumping too hard… his hands beginning to shake. The moment has finally come. The moment that Harry has drummed up in his mind time and time again each time a different scenario and different context but this… this is not the place nor context he imagined or prepared for.</p><p>Harry stirs in place fighting the urge to run away. Not this time. He can’t. He won’t. He’s waited too long for this moment. Does he confess? Does he lie? Will it even matter when the truth comes out? –deep breath – He closes his eyes and tries to remain calm. He will answer. He will answer truthfully because that’s what he’s been wanting to do for years. He takes a long sip of his champagne and places the glass back on the table with a little more force than he intends. He exhales, feeling the tension release from his lungs.</p><p>He turns to look at Louis who still stares at him with the same menacing eyes that glint with confidence. He doesn’t know why Louis feels confident tonight. For many years, he’s been nothing but a coward. Always hiding, lying, fleeing and screaming to be free from the nightmare that paralyzes him. Larry Stylinson. The two words he condemns above all else. The two words that broke everything they had. And all they had was a desire to understand who they were and what they were in their premature years of curiosity. Harry knew who he was and what he’d become. But what had Louis been? and what has he become? He never did find out.  </p><p>“Yes.” He finally says with a tremble in his voice. He can’t look at Louis any longer, the questions, the insults, the words he wants to say steal away from this moment and he wants to be here. He wants to hear this and address this as it is. “They were about you, there are other songs about you.” He unwillingly steals a glance at Louis again, perhaps to scan for his reaction or to confirm that he is still willing to have this conversation. And to his surprise, Louis’ face is unchanged. He really is here to have this talk.</p><p>“You know I wrote some songs about you too.” Louis confesses ever so coldly. He is throwing bait out for Harry but Harry is reluctant to catch on and give in so easily. Harry’s eyes move right to left, left to right, as he deconstructs this conversation. What’s the intention? the motive? where is this going? he asks himself.</p><p>He shifts his body in his chair to Louis’ direct line of vision. He is going to do this. He is going to interrogate Louis.</p><p>He clears his throat, clasps his hands together and sits up straighter. Louis watches him and it tugs a smile at his lips.</p><p>“Louis…” He begins. “You’ve avoided talking about us for years. Why are you doing this now?”</p><p>Louis shrugs and lights up another cigarette. His way of preparing for a serious talk.</p><p>“I had a lot of thinking to do during quarantine. Realized there were some loose ends I needed to tend to.”</p><p>“Loose ends.” Harry repeats and Louis nods along. “And how do you plan to tie up this loose end?”</p><p>Louis sits back in his chair and crosses one leg over taking another drag from his cigarette. The truth is, he had thought about this during quarantine. He had more time to think about many things in his life but he hadn’t exactly planned out how to smooth all the ridges in his life or how to reclaim all the things he’s lost. He’s made a mental list of all people and things he needed to tackle so that he can get on with his life without the guilt or loss that haunt him. Harry and Zayn were top of his list. He figured Zayn would be easier. And Harry… well.. that’s the thing… he wants to come up with a rational plan but when he’s around Harry all rationally flees. This is why he’s avoided him for so long. And in this moment, as he tries to think up a response he feels bothered, feels guilty almost, for having come onto this topic in this way. It’s unfair to Harry and he feels incredibly stupid. He shouldn’t have come to this party. He shouldn’t have breached the subject in this way. What was he trying to get at? Romance Harry into writing another song for him?</p><p>“Harry look…” He sits forward elbows perched onto his knees to feel closer to Harry. “I’m really sorry about tonight. I shouldn’t have come and ruined your birthday. That’s really unfair to you. I actually didn’t plan on talking to you tonight never mind about this, about us – ” Louis is cut off by voices to his right that grow louder. He tenses his brows, places his lit cigarette in the inlet of the ashtray and walks over to check the bedroom. Harry doesn’t move from his place. His adrenaline has him stuck to the chair.</p><p>“Niall – Liam.” Louis says as they enter the doorframe of the balcony. There’s a mix of excited chatter that comes from both but Louis can’t make it out and doesn’t want to. They are both visibly drunk and he is in the middle of a serious talk. He embraces Niall back and claps him on the back when they separate. “We’ve brought more bottles up for our reunion.” Liam says with two large bottles in hands. Louis side glances at Harry who looks at him with a blank expression. Louis takes the hint. “Actually lads, if you don’t mind we are having a private talk.”</p><p>“Ahh common.” Niall pleads as Liam places the bottles on the table.</p><p>“No really.” Louis cuts him off as he attempts another hug. He puts an arm around his shoulders instead and starts to lead him inside the room. “Liammm.” He calls out over his shoulder. “common, you too.” Niall is slurring words about staying and having some fun but Louis doesn’t give in. “Lads, it’s very important alright? We’ll be done soon, I’ll come get you and we can have the reunion.” Liam looks at him with a questioning brow but Louis doesn’t say more. He leads Niall to the door and sees them off politely – or what he hopes is polite enough.</p><p>When Louis gets back to the balcony he finds Harry topping off his glass of champagne. “Thank you but no more for me.” He says sitting back down and grabbing his cigarette.</p><p>“So… I was saying.” He leans back into his chair and crosses his leg over. “I didn’t come up with a solution really.” He takes a drag. “I suppose I could start by apologizing for everything I did, didn’t do, said and didn’t say.”</p><p>Harry’s only response is a nod with shut eyes. When he opens them Louis can see he is teary eyed. “Oh common Harry, please don’t make this any harder on me.”</p><p>Harry lets out a scoff. “Harder on you?” He asks with tears welling up. “You’ve had it easier all this time, what’s a little pain to contrast mine?”</p><p>“Please..” Louis pleads. “I’m trying my best here. What do you want me to say?”</p><p>Harry lingers in silence a little too long trying to put the millions of things he wants to say into one coherent sentence or a paragraph. The words can write a book really but Louis isn’t going to hear it. </p><p>“I’ve put my life on hold for you because you said you’d come back for me one day.” -- “On hold? You’ve released albums, toured the world, put out more hits than I could ever dream of – what hold?” Louis shoots back but Harry ignores him. “You’ve engaged in a long-term relationship with Eleanor.. AGAIN.. which looks promising.” -- “It’s just a relationship and you’ve had a few yourself so don’t point fingers.” Louis cuts in again but Harry continues to ignore him. “You’ve gone and had yourself a baby.” “That wasn’t meant to happen. You know that was all a mistake.” He cuts in again and Harry closes his eyes in protest because he won’t talk over Louis. “Sorry.” Louis says giving him the leeway.</p><p>“You’ve pretty much got yourself a family and a future Louis so I don’t think there’s room for me and seeing that you’re still in denial about yourself, I don’t think there ever will be.”</p><p>“Ok… so what do you want from me?” Louis asks gently because he can’t think of anything else to say.</p><p>“I needed you to tell me a long time ago that we were done. I needed closure to move on and let go of this fantasy.” Harry looks down at his hands. “All this time… I just… held on to those parting words with such conviction like they were the only honest words from you.” Louis can see the tears running down his face, he feels his heart sink into the abyss. He is the cause for all of Harry’s suffering, has been, all this time. The worst part is that he had known all along and did absolutely nothing to rectify it. He had focused all his attention on his own life and ignored anything to do with Harry. Except his past followed him like an inseparable shadow. For so long he pretended not to see it. Hoped that it was not really there, that Harry had finally come to his senses, accepted the truth and moved on but Louis knew Harry well enough to know none of that was going to happen until Louis put it in writing or said it to his face. But he hadn’t. Why hadn’t he?</p><p>Louis reflects on the question as Harry wipes at his tears. It hurts him too. He can feel the pain radiating between them except he wishes Harry didn’t have to feel this way. For so many years Louis had brandished the thoughts to the back of his mind, but every time tragedy struck Harry was the first person he thought to reach out to. Only Harry knew how to properly comfort him. He always had the right words to say but Louis denied all that for himself because he knew he didn’t deserve it. He’d push Harry back in his mind and away from conscious being. It didn’t help to see his name and photos every time he went online either. The pictures they were still being tagged in together made it all worse for him. He dreaded it. A part of him was still aching for it yet a part was too defensive to let the walls down and admit everything he worked so hard to deny. Harry wasn’t the only one who was hurt in all this.</p><p>“Harry…” His voice comes out trembling. Harry looks up to see whether Louis is crying too. And he is. “I’m so sorry.” He wipes at his tears with one hand and stubs out his cigarette with the other. He gets up from his seat and walks over to Harry. He leans down and wraps his arms around Harry. Harry is caught off guard. It’s been so long since they’ve embraced and meant it. He closes his eyes and allows himself this moment of sincerity and compassion. He brings his hands up to Louis shoulders and pushes him back gently. Louis lets him go and looks down at him but Harry is too busy working himself off the chair. Louis steps back giving him space. Harry stands up and wipes at his tears again. He steps forward and wraps his arms around Louis. If they are going to hug, it better be a proper one. Louis steps into it comfortably and wraps his arms around Harry again. He can hear Harry sniffling back tears against his hair. He rubs Harry’s back soothingly hoping he can ease some pain. “I’m sorry.” He whispers into Harry’s ears. “I’m really sorry for everything.” He can feel Harry nod in response still choking back tears. “I know.” Harry whispers back.</p><p>Louis feels sick to his stomach. Of all things he pictured this night to be, this was not one. He can’t handle Harry crying. It’s always been his kryptonite. And knowing he’s the cause of it makes him feel all the more sick. He thinks about how many times Harry must’ve cried all these years. It’s crazy, he thinks, that for so long, Harry has hung onto his words while Louis paraded around the world with no care or thoughts to the promise he had made. In a storybook, this would make him the villain and Harry a tragic figure whose life has been cursed by love. Except this is no storybook, this is his actual life and Harry’s life which up until now, he had no idea how stifled it had been due to his promise.</p><p>Trust the tabloids to make you think otherwise. All this time, he truly thought Harry had been getting on with his life and trying again at love. What about Kendall? and Camille? Had those been distractions or genuine attempts? Louis feels his head buzzing with alcohol and far too many questions he wants to ask but now’s not the time. He releases Harry from his grasp and moves the bottles on the table. He sits on the table directly across Harry. He lifts a hand up to caress Harry’s arm reassuringly. He stops at his shoulder and squeezes tight. What is he going to say? What can he say to justify his actions or lack of after all these years? He doesn’t know.</p><p>“Harry… I’m sorry I never gave you closure. It was unfair of me to ignore you like that.” His attempt falls weak.</p><p>He clears his throat and goes at it again. “I’m terribly sorry that in the beginning of it all, I kept leaving you out of things. I remember purposely sitting far from you, pretending not to hear when you said stuff, being on stage and hugging all the guys but you… It wasn’t right of me to alienate you like that. We were young and away from our families. You were already feeling vulnerable but how I treated you must’ve made it worse. I think about it all the time. I do.” His voice is gentle and apologetic. “That’s one of many things I wish I can take back.” He whispers.</p><p>Harry doesn’t look up from his lap. He places a hand on Louis’ knee instead and squeezes with some effort. “It would’ve been easier… to bear had you not made your promise… Back then… I thought it was only a matter of time… as in days, maybe months but…  never imagined years…” Harry whispers back with breaks and pauses as he chokes back more tears.</p><p>Louis bites down on his lips. He stares at Harry’s bowed head, the tears that he keeps wiping at and in that moment Harry looks young again. Innocent, young, happy, open and free. Louis remembers that Harry like it was yesterday. Over the years he’s become more serious, withdrawn, timid, his humor and interactions almost always feel forced or unwarranted. He doesn’t remember the last time he’s seen Harry so alive, raw with emotion and happiness flowing into his every vein. <em>My god</em>… Louis has killed his spirit. Harry is just a shell of a grown man with a soul so torn that it barely breathes life into his body.</p><p>Louis takes Harry’s hand from where it remains rested on his knee and brings it into his own. He presses a kiss to it without thought. “Harry.” He whispers. “Please stop crying. It kills me to see you like this.” He pleads.</p><p>“’M sorry.” Harry shakes his head. “Just been a while since I’ve had a good cry.” Louis hands him a napkin from the stack that lies next to the bottles and glasses. Harry takes it from him with a whispered thanks.</p><p>“I didn’t give you closure because I deliberately chose not to.” Louis confesses after Harry’s had a chance to blow his nose. Harry’s head shoots up to look at Louis. “What?” he asks mouth agape. Louis lets Harry stare into his eyes. He wants Harry to finally see him for what he really is. Selfish. Coward. Undecided.</p><p>“I knew you would go on living holding me to me promise. I had no doubt in mind.” Louis purses his lips and looks around before coming back to meet Harry’s gaze. “I also knew you’d do anything to sabotage all relationships you’d pursue until my turn came again.” He looks down riddled with guilt but forces his head up again because he needs to Harry to see him. “I kept sending you signs… in my pictures, through my outfits, my song lyrics… just kept feeding you enough so you knew it wasn’t over for me. It wasn’t coincidental.” Louis exhales deeply, eyes looking terrified at his admission.  “It still isn’t over for me.” Harry’s eyes widen at that and his mouth begins to gape again. Louis wants to grab him and kiss him to prove his point but he won’t dare. Not this time. He won’t pursue anything unless he is 100% sure he can make it work.</p><p>Gone are the days of his selfish pursuits. Now… it’s time to own up to his mistakes and fix them. One by one… when he finishes tackling his mental list of loose threads and mends them, only then can he pursuit Harry in all his entirety as he promised long ago.</p><p>“Everything in my life is a distraction Harry.” He shakes his head as if only now he has come to realize this. “I have to get some things in order before I come back to you.” He takes Harry’s hand again and places another kiss to the back. The silence is killing Louis. He doesn’t know how Harry will react to this but he secretly hopes that Harry will be thrilled and forgive his misgivings. Except if Louis got that, then he’d be a coward running from it all again. Not this time he tells himself. This time, he will get the punishment he so well deserves and serve his sentence. He will surrender the upper hand and give Harry the power to determine his fate.</p><p>“One thing I’m sure of… is that I loved you, still … love you… I know people thought we were foolish cause we were young and all but… I truly believe we had something genuine… something hard to come by…” He reaches out a hand and brushes strands of hair from Harry’s eyes and tugs them behind his ears. He scans Harry’s eyes for answers but the boy looks so distant in thought despite staring back at him.</p><p>“Harry… please say something… look… if you don’t want this anymore I totally understand. I probably deserve that actually. I don’t think I’m worthy of you anymore anyway. You’ve… come a long way… built yourself into a success that is unparalleled in our group of five.. so I understand… this time, I’ll be the one to surrender.. you get to call the shots okay?” He presses a smile but Harry doesn’t deter. “I’m just not ready to pursue this now.. I just need more time that’s all I ask.”</p><p>“More time?” Harry finally speaks up.</p><p>“Yeah… just need to right some more wrongs and settle a few things.”</p><p>Harry smiles… it’s a smile of mockery. Louis can tell Harry’s not happy with his proposal.</p><p>“I promise, I’ve had a lot to think about, you can thank the virus for that but really, I have a few things to get done. I was planning to speak to you when the time was right but tonight, I had no choice, the stars seemed to align – and no less on your birthday and the moment presented itself.” Louis blabs on.</p><p>Harry wants to ask Louis why he should trust him to come back when he’s let too many years pass by. Louis was always adamant about pursuing it when the ‘time was right’ but who’s to say when that is? Did Louis really think that ‘time’ was soon approaching? Is he saying all this to satisfy Harry or ease his own guilt? Had he really been sending him signs? Was Louis truly still in love with him? Had he really thought about coming back to him? Well.. he is here now.. He is finally talking about this.. he hasn’t attempted to run away from the conversation. If anything, he’s the one pushing for it. Is that enough to remove Harry’s doubts? He has so much he wants to ask but a glance at his watch tells him it’s almost time for him to make his appearance.</p><p>He looks up at Louis face which stares at him with some sort of desperation. Louis brings Harry’s hand up to his lips again and kisses it while staring him.</p><p>“Harry… for too long I have hurt you.. ignored you and your pleas… please give me a chance to make it all right again.”</p><p>There goes that name calling again. Louis is toying with psychological affects. The smile that spreads on his face is sincere though and Harry can’t help but feel that this the honest Louis he once knew.</p><p>“I promise you that from this day forward I will text you, call you, meet with you again. You’ll never fall again because from now on I'll be there to catch you. And we were both wrong we haven’t run out of things to talk about and there’s plenty left to say.”</p><p>“So you knew that was written for you too?” Harry asks in a soft voice.</p><p>Louis’ smile grows. “Course, I know every song you wrote for me. It’s a great song but it did hurt to listen to it.”</p><p>“So did your copy of a copy of a copy.” Harry responds. “Which is also a great song.” He adds in with a small smile.</p><p>“Okay Harry Styles…” His smile turns into a smirk and he leans back to get a better picture of Harry nodding his head at him as if he needs some more convincing. They hold eye contact for a moment longer before they synchronize on an exhale.</p><p>“Take your time to think about this. If you have anything you want to ask or say or need clarified just call me. I promise I won’t ignore your calls. You can call me tonight after this party just to be sure of it.” Louis let’s Harry’s hand go. Judging by the way Harry nods at him, he thinks he may have convinced him even if just a little.</p><p>“Yeah..” Harry responds with a pressed smile. “I’ll think on it.” He nods again in reassurance. He glances back at his watch and Louis can sense his hesitancy. “I need to be downstairs in 5 minutes. Sorry but I should get changed.”</p><p>“Don’t be sorry. You should be down there celebrating your birthday. We can talk more whenever you’d like.”</p><p>“Right..” Harry lets the word linger a little too long as if still doubting the authenticity of Louis’ words.</p><p>Louis gets up without further conversation. He hesitates to move away, a thought in his mind has sprung and he wonders for a moment if it’s worth a shot. He bends over and places a kiss to Harry’s forehead letting a hand drop to the side of Harry’s hair. He stays there a few seconds before Harry leans into his touch and covers his hand with his own. He doesn’t let go and seeps into it further. Louis is still crouched overtop so he continues to press kisses to his head. “I’m sorry for being selfish.” Louis whispers. This all feels like a dream to Harry but it can't be. Not with all the feelings that work their way through his body. “I'll work on forgiving you Louis.” He whispers back. And that's fair Louis thinks. That should be enough to hold him out for now. Louis straightens up and pulls on Harry's hand to help him up. He leads him into the bedroom and it is only with regret that he lets him go.</p><p>“So I'll see you downstairs with the other yoohoos then?” Louis jokes. </p><p>“Sure.” Harry smiles with a roll of his eyes.</p><p>Louis walks up to the door, he grabs at the handle but can’t bring himself to turn it in. “Harry.” He says with much afterthought.</p><p>“Yes?” Harry looks up from the outfits scattered on his bed.</p><p>“I love you.” Louis says gently, shoulders dropping at his sides with the weight steadily falling off.</p><p>Harry feels the blood rush to his face. He is most definitely blushing. He smiles back at Louis. He knows Louis means it. He can tell just by the tone of his voice and the sincerity in his eyes. His eyes fall back to the bed. This better not all be a big joke. This better not be a façade or Louis' ploy at something sinister. He wants to believe it is. But it can't be. There's far too many truths that even Harry can't deny. It’s been so long since he’s said the words that Harry came to believe he’d never hear again. He remembers the first time Louis’ said it. Just two young happy boys, with the world at their feet, neither foreseeing the losses, suffering and heartbreak that await them. Harry’s smile grows at the thought and his dimples betray the shred of dignity he tries hard to hold onto.</p><p>He looks back up at Louis who waits on his response with an equal mixture of patience and eagerness.</p><p>“I love you too.” He finally says.</p><p>Louis smiles, nods his head and closes the door behind him.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Enter Zayn</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Alright! Alright! I've heard your pleas and present you with part II. Buckle up your seatbelts cuz we are going for one wild ride!! </p><p>Enjoy~</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Louis leaves the room Harry falls to the bed with a heavy sigh and covers his face. It doesn’t matter that he needs to be downstairs in 5 minutes. No. What just happened takes months to deconstruct and perhaps even years to understand. Had Louis really said all that? He wasn’t over him? What about Eleanor? … what’s that about? If he had truly loved Harry why even bother with a relationship? Had he said all that to make himself feel better? This can’t be happening. Harry’s mind races with the words and confessions that Louis says with such ease and sincerity. <em>It’s all too good to be true</em>. It feels like a manipulation tacit. <em>Fucking hell</em>. After everything that’s happened does Louis really think a simple ‘I love you’ will heal the pain? fix the damage? Why had Harry fallen for it? He is senseless and stupid for letting him off so easily.  Of course Louis has that effect on him. Harry cringes. He is losing at this game again. He’s letting his heart lead instead of his brain. I mean… he hadn’t forgiven him yet but he said he loved him back. Why?… why did he say it with such ease?</p><p>Harry tugs at the stupid hanger that’s piercing his hip and tosses it across the room. What’s going to happen now? How is he going to see him and pretend that none of that had happened? Wait… how much longer does he have to pretend… there’s that ultimate sacrifice again ‘<em>need more time</em>’ … “HOW MUCH TIME?!” Harry yells out loud. “FUCK.” He hisses and punches the bed with closed fists. No… this isn’t happening… none of this happened… he’s had too much to drink… perhaps this was all just a figment of his imagination. Just another fantasy he drummed up because reality couldn’t offer anything sweeter. That must be it. Okay breathe… Harry allows himself to take 3 deep breaths before sitting up and running his fingers through his hair. Okay… he needs to talk to his mum. That’s the only sound thing to do. Tonight he will go on as he always does and pretend nothing happened. Tomorrow he will call mum and she will guide him. She always does. For now… he’s going to put this behind him and focus on the only task at hand: Making an appearance and pretending to have the time of his life with a bunch of yoohoos. Yes. That’s all he’s got to do.</p><p>“Get up.” Harry tells himself. “Get up and put on a stupid outfit.” Harry drawls again.</p><p>He gets up and sorts through the outfits laid out for him. Not a single one to his taste. He tries on two before deciding on the latter. He goes to the washroom and touches up one last time. His nose is still glowing red from his earlier crying fits and he prays that everyone is drunk enough for it to go unseen.</p><hr/><p>Downstairs, Louis slithers through the crowds completely unbothered. Not a single person asks to take a picture with him or stops him to say hi. He feels a slight blow to his ego. His popularity has taken a massive hit since his One Direction days. <em>Not Harry though</em>. He’s been a successful rising star all on his own. People admired him. Worshipped him even.</p><p>Harry’s name pounds inside his head. His body shakes with adrenaline. He can’t believe he told Harry the truth. It’s was a secret he had buried so deep in his chest that he almost lost glimpse of it himself. And all it took was to see Harry sitting in front of him looking so candid and so raw and so full of the youthful energy that Louis was so familiar with. Not only was he familiar with it but he thrived on it. Almost like the air he needed to breath. Thoughts of their encounter and conversation and affection causes his heart to throb and his core to twist. It’s so many feelings bound up in one. Finally, his emotions found their great escape and poured out ever so effortlessly. He hadn’t any will power to hold them back. He paces himself. He can’t believe it happened. Can’t believe he’s finally found the courage to say it all out loud. Not only to Harry but to himself. His own words echo in his mind. This is a revelation.</p><p>Louis takes a deep breath. He can’t think about this any longer. He needs to slowly transition into the mob that now surrounds him. Needs to clear his mind and remember the names and faces that surround him. It’s a little difficult to keep a one track mind while his head buzzes with alcohol but he’s willing to try. <em>Tomorrow.</em> He tells the voice in his head. <em>Tomorrow we will talk about Harry.</em> <em>Tonight, we will join the others and put Harry to rest.</em></p><p>Louis finds his way back to the girls. Perhaps they are the only social circle he’s fit to hang with. He sees that Niall is already seated with Lou, the two of them distracting themselves with something on Lou’s phone. Lottie looks up before he’s had a chance to sit and asks him to bring another round. <em>And now I’m a butler. Great.</em></p><p>“Course.” Louis smiles and makes a quick head count. Including himself, that’s 7. There’s no way he’s going to carry that many glasses on his own.  He wants to call Niall for assistance but the lad is immersed in laughter with whatever Lou plays on her phone. <em>Alright then. I’ll just grab a tray.</em></p><hr/><p>Louis returns with the drinks on a tray. He grabs a glass for himself and slips between Lottie and Sophia. He wonders where Liam is and why he is no longer tending to his lady friend Sophia. His eyes scan the room for Liam and he gets his answer right away. Zayn.</p><p>Louis feels his heart pick up pace. <em>No rest for the wicked</em>. He had secretly hoped that Zayn wouldn’t show so that 1) his earlier accusations would prove true and 2) he wouldn’t face the added anxiety. Harry was enough for one night. Adding Zayn to the equation is an overload that threatens to send him over the edge. He feels the anxiety rush through him again. It’s been so long since he and Zayn last spoke and even then, their interactions had been spiteful and bitter.</p><p>Tonight it feel as though his past demons stare him in the eyes just beckoning him. <em>Come and play</em> they taunt, <em>show us what you got</em>. He is scared. He won’t deny it. He is still shaking from his talk with Harry.</p><p>He licks his lips as he studies the two boys huddled together. Zayn is dressed in his typical style. Little has changed in his appearance over the years. He dons black jeans and a button up with a graphic t-shirt peeking from underneath. His hair is shaved down and his natural hair color seeps through.</p><p>Louis can’t bring himself to look away. He wonders if Zayn is still the same man he once knew or whether fatherhood has changed him. Did he mature with the new title? have a little more patience? a little more understanding? he doesn’t know. They haven’t spoken in years. He looks at him again and can’t believe that he is the same boy who once lived every minute of his life with Louis. All those times they snuck out together for a smoke. All the late nights when they’d talk about home and future plans. All the bantering over who was going to wear what and whether it matched Louis’ or Zayn’s style more. And now he looks at him, barely recognizes the man he’s become. Nothing but a stranger.</p><p>Louis feels the panic rise in his chest when Liam wraps an arm around Zayn’s shoulder and starts leading him to the very corner that Louis sits in. He pretends to look away and not see but curiosity gets the best of him and he is once again eyeing them down except this time Zayn meets his gaze. Whatever it was that had Zayn beaming earlier is now swiftly blown away. He looks back at Louis with nothing but anger burning in his eyes. Louis sits further back in his seat and takes a long sip of his wine.</p><p>Liam walks Zayn over to Lou and Niall who are both already on their feet. “Ayyyyy.. Zayn!! How’s it going mate?” Louis hears Niall dragging him into a conversation. He feels a little relieved as this will buy him more time to drink. He finishes his glass with another long sip and places it on the table. Gemma, who sits right across him, looks at his glass and then back up to him. She has a curious look on her face but Louis gives her a smile and a little nod and that seems to do the trick. She smiles back at him and tells him that it’s nice to see him again. “Thanks Gemma. You should come by sometime. Would be lovely to have you.” He says. It’s the polite thing to do.</p><p>She says she’ll speak to Eleanor and they will set something up. He nods his head and turns to look at Eleanor. Right…  Eleanor… He’s almost forgotten about her. He looks back to Gemma. <em>Sigh</em>. And here sits the sister of Harry. The same Harry whom he’s accosted with promises of return and everlasting love. This feels like borderline suicide. There are too many people around him that cause him panic. His heart is pounding. His leg is restless and his arms are folded over his chest. This is too much. He needs another drink. He gets up but Liam’s holds him back. “Louis.” He says. “Zayn’s here.” Liam moves aside and Zayn is standing right behind him.</p><p>“Zaynnn.” Louis says with a hand outstretched. “It’s good to see you mate.” He throws in a fake smile for good measure. Zayn looks at Louis’ outstretched hand for a second too long before finally shaking it. He meets his eyes only briefly before responding a quick ‘thanks man.’ Zayn tilts his head to the side looking at someone seated behind Louis. “Lottie!” Zayn perks up and moves towards her with no further address to Louis. <em>Okay then</em>. Louis presses a firm smile and pretends not to be offended.</p><p>Gemma catches the interaction and feels a little bad for Louis. She mouths something to him but he can’t hear it over the chatter. He leans down “Sorry Gems, didn’t hear you.”</p><p>“I was asking if you want to grab a drink.”</p><p>Sophia leans over to them, likely feeling left out as Lou and Niall chat in one corner and Liam, Lottie, Zayn and El group up in the other.</p><p>“Are you going for more drinks?” She asks. Gemma nods. “Yeah, you wanna come?”</p><p>Louis puts out a hand to help Gemma up. That’s two Styles he’s touched tonight. It’s only Gemma, not even Harry but the touch makes his heart flutter.  </p><p>Louis is a little thankful to be out of the tension zone but now he’s got Harry’s sister and Liam’s ex on his arms. This night couldn’t get any stranger. They stop at the makeshift bar and grab a few glasses. The crowd suddenly erupts with cheers and whistles. Harry’s name can be heard mixed with the cheers and Louis feels his heart sink. What is this feeling? It feels like his heart is burning with jealously. Everyone is going to have their eyes on him and he’ll be center attention while Louis watches from a distance. When did he get so jealous over Harry? Louis shakes the thoughts from his head.</p><p>“Ahh! That must be the other Styles making his grand entrance.” Gemma jokes with an eye roll. Sophia smiles at her and says “I can’t wait to see his outfit!” . And oddly enough, Louis is eager for that too.</p><p>The three of them walk towards the cheery crowd. Louis feels the tang of anxiety eating at his core again. He’d seen Harry only a few minutes ago but now it feels different. Maybe because he’ll be seeing him in front of all these people who were completely oblivious to their earlier discussion. There is something thrilling in that which makes Louis’ heart beat even faster. He’s going to have a heart attack soon.</p><p>When they round the corner, Louis finds Harry standing on the staircase a few steps above ground. He smiles and waves to the people in the crowd. Everyone has their phones out and the scene is littered with flashes and people shoving to get to the front.  “Harry! Harry!” They all yell and Louis rolls his eyes.</p><p>“Better stand back.” Gemma tells them. “Good idea.” Louis whispers not taking his eyes off Harry.</p><p>Sophia and Louis are both checking out Harry with equal interest. A black satin and animal print suit. It’s not as crazy as some of his other outfits except Louis doesn’t care for the animal print. <em>Harry looks good.</em> Louis can’t take his eyes off Harry’s dimples. Harry didn’t smile for him upstairs. Perhaps a weak one in the end but not enough to draw out his dimples.</p><p>“Ooh I love it!” Sophia exclaims. “Yeah?” Gemma questions her. “Yeah! I was expecting him to go all out but I love the subtleness.” She takes out her phone and snaps a few pictures. Harry looks towards them catching her flash. He blinks a few times and smiles wide. He waves at them. Louis feels butterflies expand in his chest. He may even be blushing. He can’t be sure. Sophia and Gemma wave back to him enthusiastically.</p><p>Harry comes down one step and a Revolve representative is quick to run up to him. They whisper to each other and Harry nods. A few other Revolve personnel work at splitting the crowd. They lead him down and around the corner to a door situated to the right of the stair case. Harry turns back and waves at the crowd once more and then he’s being ushered inside and the door closes.</p><p>Louis is confused. Is that it? Is he going home through a back door? He feels his heart sink. So much for the short lived butterflies. He turns to Gemma and before he’s had a chance to think he asks her why Harry is going home.</p><p>“He’s not going home.” She says. “They’re doing a little photoshoot and then he’ll be out.” She smiles at him kindly and pats him on the chest. He feels relived at that. “Let’s go back to the others.”</p><p>Louis really wants to say no but then he’ll be sauntering on his own through the masses. Sophia and Gemma are already turning back and he reluctantly follows behind them.</p><p>When they make it to their seats Louis sees that Zayn and Liam are unaccounted for. He feels even more relieved and takes a seat next to Niall. Lou has apparently left him on his own as she poses for pictures with the girls. Niall slaps him on his thigh when he sits next to him.</p><p>“What a nighttttt.” He drawls.</p><p>“Yeah.” Louis looks around “Quite the turn out huh?”</p><p>“Yeahh! been a long time!” He shouts and slaps Louis' thigh again.</p><p>Niall is definitely drunk. Anyone from a mile away can see it. Louis tries not to breath in the air he exhales which reeks of alcohol. He tries not to be visibly rude about it too.</p><p>“Everything okay with you?” Niall asks turning into his side.</p><p>“Yeah.. I’m buzzin’” Louis smiles back.</p><p>“I mean with you and Harry?” Niall adds in with a serious tone matched with serious brows.</p><p>“Yeah!” Louis nods. “Yeah everything is good. Sorry we had to kick you out.” Niall reads his face for any hint of deceit but he’s too drunk to find any so he lets it go.</p><p>“It’s alright, had me some fun down ‘ere too.” Louis smirks. “Where’d Zayn and Liam go?”</p><p>Niall turns his head back to show him. “Just over there smoking.”</p><p>“Ohhh.. right.” The sudden mention of smoking sends crave signals to his brain. He can use a cigarette of his own but he isn’t going to have one with them. He’ll excuse himself when they get back and use that to his advantage.</p><p>Louis feels a body press up against him. The smell is familiar. He turns his head to the side and finds Eleanor sitting on the arm of his chair. She is already looking down at him with a sheepish smile. Yeah she’s drunk too. Louis knows her drunk look all too well. He smiles back up at her and tries to remain casual. “Havin’ fun?” He asks her. She wraps her arms around his neck and holds him in place. <em>Oh no. Oh no. no. no. </em> Not the time and place for PDA.</p><p>He brings a hand up and tries to free himself from her embrace without making it look suspicious. “El…” He laughs awkwardly. “What’s this about?”</p><p>“I’m glad you decided to stay. Really thought you were going to drive away.” She throws a leg over Louis’ lap and now he’s stuck.</p><p>“I stayed for you.” He lies with a smile.</p><p>“I know.” She whispers back in his ear, letting her fingernails slowly trail down to his jaw. He feels himself panicking. He looks around feeling uncomfortable and sees that Sophia and Gemma watch them intently. Now it’s more uncomfortable. They pretend to look away but Louis finds them staring again. He feels himself blush. Here’s Eleanor properly trying to seduce him while Niall sits to his left and Sophia and Gemma watch on with amusement.</p><p>Louis gently pushes her leg off and mutters an excuse about having to use the restroom. It’s not a total lie, he actually does have to wee. He doesn’t miss the look that Gemma gives him when he stands up to go.</p><hr/><p>To his horror, Louis finds himself running into Zayn just outside the washroom. They accidently brush elbows and Zayn kisses his teeth at him. Louis turns back with a ‘sorry mate’ not realizing its Zayn. “Louis man… watch where you’re going.” He hisses. “I said sorry! wasn’t on purpose.” Louis says angrily as he stalks off to the washroom. Except there’s one lad waiting in turn and now Louis has to stand idle.</p><p>Zayn arrives just 3 seconds later and stands behind him. Neither of them acknowledge each other. Louis feels the tension grow. Feels as though Zayn’s eyes are piercings holes through his back. He may as well attack him.</p><p>But then Louis remembers his promise to Harry. He can only be with him if he tackles his mental to do list and Zayn was on that list. It’s not like he’s going to get another chance to see Zayn. This may be his only opportunity. Question is… does he have the balls to do it tonight? Even if he did, what are the chances that Zayn will agree to speak with him? Louis feel stuck. No he’s not stuck, he’s scared. The new voice in his head tells him to reap the benefits of tonight’s opportunity and confront his fears. <em>So what if you’re scared? you were scared to tell Harry the truth but you did it anyway. Did it kill you? No? Okay, so then turn around and tell Zayn you’d like to speak to him.</em> Louis nods okay to the voice in his head and turns around.</p><p>“Zayn.” He says in a calm voice. Zayn looks up from his phone screen. Louis accidently drops his gaze to it and sees a picture of his baby daughter. “What’s up?” Zayn asks as he pockets his phone.</p><p>“Look mate, I know you and I don’t see eye to eye but I’d really appreciate it if we could sit down and try to hash it out later.”</p><p>Zayn smirks. It sends an uneasily feeling through Louis’ body. He doesn’t back down from challenges. If Zayn wants to press on then he will equally retaliate.</p><p><em>No!</em> The voice in his head tells him. <em>You are not thinking right. The whole reason you even have to have this talk is because you two always do this shit. This isn’t a war to seek out better alpha. This is your chance to right your wrongs. Stop thinking about your pride!</em></p><p>Zayn’s smirk fades when he sees that Louis doesn’t challenge him. He digs his hands into his pockets and looks back to Louis. “Alright.” He says with hesitance, “we can talk.”</p><p>It feels like pulling teeth with Zayn. But when Louis hears him agree without as much as a struggle, he feels a heavy weight lift off his shoulders and he thanks the heavens above. <em>What a fucking miracle</em>.</p><p>“Great.” Louis responds. “I’ll come get you when I’m ready.” He waits for Zayn to respond but Zayn just points at the washroom door instead. “Going to go or what?” Louis turns back and sees that the washroom has cleared. He goes inside and doesn’t say another word to Zayn.</p><p>It’s a strange feeling putting your ego aside. Especially for Louis. It makes him feel vulnerable and helpless. He almost wants to give it up but he knows he can’t. His past demons aren’t going to disappear on their own. The only person that could give him closure and put it all to rest is himself. That means, he’ll have to compromise his own ego and reconcile all his problems. He can chose not to. Except that means the baggage that weigh him down will only continue to follow him and grow heavier over time. This very baggage is the reason he struggles to move more freely. There is always someone or something that resurfaces and drags him down further. He needs to this. He MUST do this for himself and for his sanity. He can’t go on living like this, he knows this.</p><p>Louis’ heart catches in his throat when he sees that Harry has joined their group. He is making his rounds hugging everyone so he must have just arrived. He feels those butterflies again. My god… his poor heart is being tugged back and forth all night he’s surely going to have a heart attack even at his young age. He watches as Harry pulls Eleanor into a hug. What a sight that. Louis feels himself twinge with anxiety. Harry says a few words to her while throwing an arm around Niall. <em>He is nervous</em>, Louis thinks. Gemma attempts a jump on his back and that seems to distract him away from Eleanor.</p><p>When Louis makes it back, Gemma is already standing off to one side and Harry is toppling over Lou in a long swept hug. Gemma looks at him when he slides in next to her. “Told ya, he’d be back.” She winks and bumps hips with him.</p><p>Louis is a little surprised at their sudden buddy-buddy relationship. He’s always liked Gemma, never had a problem with her. Except he knew deep down inside that she had known about their secret and he let that tension keep them distant. After all, he’s the same man who hurt her baby brother.</p><p>“We got you another drink.” She says. Sophia nods and grabs a glass off the table and hands it to him. Louis chuckles. This is very unusual.</p><p>“You ladies tryin’ to get me drunk or what?” he asks with a raised eyebrow. </p><p>Sophia and Gemma look at him with smiles that disguises their motives. “Well…” Gemma says. “We just figured you’d need it.”</p><p>“Is that right?” Louis retorts with a smirk. “Yeah…” She glances him over. “You look a bit frazzled.” She ruffles his hair and he shakes it off trying to straighten it back out.</p><p>“Who looks frazzled?” Harry’s voice sounds out of nowhere. Louis feels his stomach burn. There goes his body destructing itself again.</p><p>Harry places a hand on Sophia’s shoulder and she wraps a hand over his wrist.</p><p>“Louis looks frazzled.” Gemma answers. “Where’s your drink birthday boy?” She eyes his empty hands.</p><p>Harry looks to Louis. He wonders why they’ve drawn this conclusion. Had Louis given himself away? What had they known? Louis’ eyes seem to ask the same questions. He stares back with a shrug.</p><p>“I’ve had quite a few drinks.” Harry answers her. “But yeah, I agree. You look a bit frazzled mate. Should put back a few more drinks.” He smiles.</p><p>“Working on it.” Louis says. He sees that Harry is now distracted with something or someone behind him. What is it with everyone looking right through him today as if he no longer exist?</p><p>Harry’s jaw goes slack. “No… Fucking… Way…” He stretches his words dramatically which makes all three turn back to see what causes his response.</p><p>Louis turns back only to find Zayn walking towards them with a grin spreading across his face. Right. Course Harry is happy to see him. There’s goes Louis’ earlier argument. This counts as 1 point for Zayn and nil for Louis. Nothing like losing to Zayn in front of Harry.</p><p>Harry let’s Sophia go and runs over to Zayn. He jumps on him and wraps his legs around him. Louis feels his heart sink again. <em>Sure… go right ahead Harry. Break me heart in front me face like that.</em> He has no right to be feeling this way. Harry has every right to retain a friendship with Zayn. It’s not his fault that Louis soured their relationship and deemed Zayn an enemy. That’s Louis’ problem not Harrys.</p><p>Louis tries to look away. It stings. It hurts. It’s far too much for him to bear. That’s when he sees Lou get up and shriek in horror. <em>Oh man.</em> <em>More drama then?</em></p><p>“Oh my god!!!!” She yells over everyone’s chatter. “We’ve finally got all the boys together!!!!!” She stands on the center table, everyone’s now looking at her. “I need a fucking picture of this!!” She turns in her spot looking around the group. There’s Niall and Liam on one side… Louis in another corner and Harry and Zayn walking in closer. “Common my boys!!!” She gets down and spreads her arms wide open. “Bring it in!!!” I mean who can refuse Lou? She’s a part of their team. Toured with them, partied with them, knew them inside out. She was like an older sister if not their stand-in mum at times. She’s got a good reason to be happy about this.</p><p>The five of them walk to her from different directions and that’s how they find themselves enwrapped in a big group hug. Louis doesn’t know it happens but he finds himself between Niall and Harry. He’s touching Harry again. Lou says a bunch of sweet nothings to them as they listen to her and laugh along.</p><p>Louis finds himself aching for more than a light touch on Harry’s shoulders. He lets his arm fall and finds his hand slipping under Harry’s jacket and landing on the curvature of his back. It’s a thin blouse that keeps Louis hand from making contact with Harry’s skin. But its thin enough that Louis can feel the heat from Harry’s skin radiated into his touch.  Fuck… he gasps. He missed this. He doesn’t even listen to what Lou and the boys say in their huddle, he is too busy immersed in the touch that makes him swell with excitement. He wants nothing more than to close his eyes right now and focus on just that. Except he’s not about to plaster a turned-on face while touching Harry… in front Eleanor no less.</p><p>He feels like a child. Unable to control himself. He wants more. He needs more! It’s a good thing then that Lou says something about a picture and the group stand back. The Gods are finally on his side. The circle splits between Zayn and Liam and Louis finds himself still standing next to Harry when they look forward for their photo to be taken. Louis doesn’t want to let Harry go. Harry doesn’t pull his hand away from where it rests on Louis’ waist either.</p><p>“Hold up!” Louis shouts. “Lottie get in here. You’re a part of this group!”</p><p>“Yeahhh Lottie!!!” Niall beams in after him.</p><p>Lottie smiles, a bit thankful to have been remember after being left out of their group hug. She runs towards them and stands in the front row, bending over. Lou leaves her spot and joins her in the front row.</p><p>Sophia, Gemma and Eleanor all have their phones out. They take a few pictures from different angles. Each time, someone calling out to direct their eyes to their phone. Louis is thankful that this takes some time and he’s able to hold Harry longer.</p><p>“Okay!” Lou says. “Now a picture of the boys alone!” She and Lottie move out of the way and bring their own phones out. Louis couldn’t be more happier. He slides his hand to Harry’s waist still hiding under his jacket. He squeezes Harry’s waist. Harry doesn’t flinch. He continues to look forward and smile at the cameras. Louis feels him squeeze back. And that’s that.</p><p>It’s a just small touch, a small squeeze that sends him over the edge. He wants to moan, wants to gasp loudly. The butterflies in his chest, the dopamine sparking in his brain, the excitement ringing in his ears. All it took was a single touch. He feels like winner. Like a king. He is beaming with pride. He feels his cock twitch in his pants and he forgives himself for it. Harry has a magical touch. Louis hates himself for having denied himself these feelings for some many years. But in a way… he is kind of glad for it. Perhaps this distance was meant reignite all those feelings. It was like falling in love all over again. It’s the honeymoon phase that couples can’t get enough of. And he loves it.</p><p>They stand like that for a few more minutes, each time someone getting added or getting booted from the group. Sophia, Eleanor and Gemma get their turn. At one point they all get a group shot together which a passerby happily obliges to take. Then Sophia suggests they should do a siblings picture. Niall looks around. There are only two sets of siblings here. So he, Liam and Zayn walk off and Louis finds himself standing with Harry alone for a few seconds before Gemma and Lottie join them.</p><p>Louis can’t stop smiling. Can’t stop grinning with happiness. He looks over to Eleanor and sees that she’s put down her phone. She’s sat down while the girls still stand snapping photo after photo. She gives him a knowing look. As though she see right through him. He doesn’t change his demeanor though. He quickly looks away and continues to smile. He’s not going to let her ruin his night. Can’t bring himself to care.</p><p>When the photoshoot ends a few groups break off together. Chatter fills the air around them. There is Niall’s bolstering laugh that hovers above the rest and Lou’s loud dramatic voice that sounds from one of the corners. Slowly they start dispersing themselves around the lounge area, one after another taking a seat. Lottie and Louis are the last two standing. She’s reminding him that she’s flying out to London this week and he tells her he’ll drive her to airport. He’s got a few things he wants her to take home. Lottie says she’ll call him tomorrow to remind him and then turns back to sit with Eleanor and Sophia.</p><p>That’s when Louis sees that are no free seats. The couches have all been filled and everyone is too immersed in their conversations to notice. Liam and Harry both claim single seater sofas. Harry finally seems to notice Louis’ dilemma and they lock eyes for a moment. Harry scoops to one side of the sofa with a questioning look. Louis is a little surprised. He is a little hesitant too. <em>That’s a little too much isn’t it?</em></p><p>Except Louis also feels delighted. He wants nothing more than to press against Harry’s side. He is eager for the contact. Wants to feel good. Genuinely good. It’s been so long since he’s had this much happiness. He walks towards Harry and squeezes down next to him.</p><p>It feels familiar. It feels like home. He can’t help the grin that spreads on his face again.</p><p>“Comfortable?” Harry asks.</p><p>“Very.” Louis smiles and looks at him. His face is only inches away but Harry doesn’t spare him a look. Liam sits to Harry’s left side. The boys are going on about something but Louis can’t bring himself to listen. To his right, Lou and the girls are on their phones looking at the photos they’ve just taken.</p><p>Louis feels good. No one batts an eye or looks over to them questioning. He feels Harry trying to reposition himself. He feels a little bad having crushed him. “Are you okay?” I can sit on the armrest.” Louis offers.</p><p>“No.. it’s fine. Just re-adjusting myself.” Harry is still not able to look at him and Louis feels only slightly hurt. He peels his eyes away and tries to focus on something else that may inspire conversation with Harry.</p><p>“You know people may talk.” Harry whispers. Louis can see Harry’s face moving to look at him. He turns his own head to meet his gaze. “I don’t mind.” Louis says without a beat. Harry doesn’t look away. They continue to lock eyes and there goes Louis’ heart beating again.  </p><p>Harry’s mind is racing. Louis is actually sat beside him in a tiny one person sofa. He can’t help but think back to their younger days when this was all ordinary. They’d just fall into place as though it were a written rule. Everyone around them knew you couldn’t sit one further from the other. They were reluctant to be apart. It just didn’t happen. You couldn’t separate them. Where did it all go wrong? He thinks… What got in between them and forced them apart? He doesn’t know.</p><p>Louis is still smiling at him when Harry’s pulled from his thoughts. “What does this remind you of?” Louis asks. Harry looks at him and wonders if Louis is reading his mind. “Interviews?” Harry asks back. Louis smiles wider. “Those were some of my fondest memories.” He says.</p><p>Harry can’t help but agree. He looks at Louis and tries to find a trace of that same young Louis he shared seats with, thrown his leg over, touched his thigh, his arm, his shoulder, his hair with no care in the world. He tries to search for that same Louis in this one but it feels like a different person. That young Louis feels like a person he mourned. A person who died long ago. He had just disappeared. Harry can’t remember when it happened but he remembers trying to look for him and the lad who looked like Louis told him he didn’t know what Harry was talking about. Told him to stay away and give him space. Harry cried and pleaded with him to tell him what happened, why he had changed but that Louis didn’t say much. Only told him to stop bothering him. And then, there he was… all alone… with his Louis nowhere in sight. Just up and vanished. The new Louis was a complete stranger. Cold… cold hearted… constantly shunned him, ignored him, threatened him, kept him at bay and avoided being alone with him. It took weeks maybe months before that new Louis was finally able to look at Harry again. And when he did, Harry didn’t recognize him. His blue eyes didn’t shine the same. It had grown distant and unwelcoming. His old Louis was dead. He mourned that Louis for years. Still does.</p><p>“You okay?” Louis asks him. Harry looks away. Looks down at his hands that are clasped together in his lap.</p><p>“I’m fine.” Harry whispers.</p><p>He’s not fine.</p><p>How did he forget all that? forget everything Louis had done to him? Why did he let Louis think it was okay to be close to him? sit next to him? Why was Harry betraying himself? Subjecting himself to the same pain. To the same fucking mistake.</p><p>It’s in that moment that Harry finds Gemma seating herself on his armrest. She puts an arm around him and wishes him a Happy Birthday again. He lets himself fall back into her outstretched arm. She must’ve sensed it. His pain just crawling back to him. It’s an older sister thing.</p><p>Louis is still looking away into the distance. He doesn’t talk to anyone. He seems to be consumed in his own thoughts.</p><p>“Harry.” Louis says in attempt to get his attention. Harry looks to him but doesn’t respond. “Remember that mental list I was telling you about?”</p><p>“Yes.” Harry says not seeing where this conversation is going with Gemma seated next to them.</p><p>“Well, Zayn was on that list.” Louis says as though Harry should be aware of this fact. “So?”  Harry doesn’t mean to be rude but he doesn’t know where he’s getting at. “Zayn’s agreed to speak with me tonight.” Louis adds in.</p><p>“Good.” Harry says after a long stretch of silence. Still doesn’t know where Louis is going with this.</p><p>Louis leans in closer and whispers “I don’t feel ready to speak with him but I’m doing this for your sake. For our sake. Only because I want to prove to you that I really want this.”</p><p>Harry feels his heart race at that. Louis is going to make peace with Zayn for his sake? He doesn’t understand what correlation that bears but he lets it go. Doesn’t think he should care so much.</p><p>Except, he sort of does. And it sort of offers a little relief. Harry hates to admit it but maybe Louis is not lying. Maybe there is a mental list. And maybe he does need to take care of things before he can be with him again. Only it feels too good be true. Suddenly sprung out of nowhere and there’s still so much Harry doesn’t understand. Doesn’t even understand why this is all happening now. Where had Louis been all this time?</p><p>“I’m going to go speak with him.” Louis says. Harry looks over and nods at him. His face remaining unchanged.</p><p>Louis gets up and Harry feels the sofa get lighter. Gemma gets up and slides into Louis’ place.</p><hr/><p>“Zayn.” Louis waits for Zayn to break out of conversation with Niall and Liam. “Ready for that talk then?” Zayn looks at him briefly like he doesn’t know what he’s talking about but then he’s smirking again and Louis feels challenged. <em>This can’t be happening.</em></p><p>“Actually Louis, I have a condition.” Zayn says in all seriousness. Louis feels uneasy again.</p><p>“If you want to talk to me I want Harry, Niall and Liam present.” Louis is little surprised. Why do they need to be present for a conversation that only concerns he and Zayn? He doesn’t understand. His eyes dance over to Niall and Liam and then over to Harry. Louis bites at the inside of his cheek. He’s contemplating Zayn’s offer. He knows Liam and Niall are drunk and probably won’t remember anything tomorrow. And it may prove advantageous to have Harry there. At least then he can see firsthand that Louis is trying to make an effort. Louis decides to agree to his condition and Zayn looks baffled that Louis agrees.</p><p>“I’ll get Harry.” And Louis sets off.</p><p>Louis walks back and Harry looks confused at his quick return. He explains to him that Zayn listed a condition for their talk and that Harry is now required to attend.</p><p>“But I have to cut my cake.” Harry says. Louis blinks at him silently. Gemma listens in on their conversation and nudges Harry to go cut his cake. Louis looks to her with silent thank you in his eyes. She gives him a small smile and when Harry gets up and leaves she whispers a ‘take it easy’ in his ears. He doesn’t have time to ask her what about as he finds himself being dragged to the other side of the floor where a set-up is already in place with Harry’s cake standing in the middle.</p><p>They spend another 20 minutes hanging about as Harry cuts into his cake with the crowd cheering and whistling and snapping photos. Harry cuts out a big slice for show and tells management to cut the remaining tiers for the guests. He quickly excuses himself as the tension grows around him. He sees that Zayn, Louis, Niall and Liam all wait for him anxiously. Harry gives the crowd one last smile and yells ‘TREAT PEOPLE  WITH KINDNESS’ before he blows a kiss and disappears. Louis hates it. Hates the act that Harry puts on to charm them. It’s all pretend. He can see right through him. He doesn’t have much time to reflect on this as Harry joins them and the five walk upstairs in silence. </p><p>When they get to the room, Harry sits in the center of the bed. Niall sits just behind him, sprawling with legs up and leaning against the headboard. Liam finds a chair and pulls up across from Harry. Zayn opts to stand between Harry and Liam and Louis stands right across Zayn leaning against the wall.</p><p>“Someone care to tell us why we are all here?” Liam asks.</p><p>“Louis wanted to hash out our problem. Figured since he owes all of us an apology then he may as well speak to the whole lot.” Zayn says.</p><p>Louis tenses his brows. Doesn’t know why Zayn thinks he needs to apologize to everyone. He intended to hash out their feud yes, but he wasn’t exactly preparing an apology for Zayn either. Can’t see why suddenly he is to blame. He digs his hands into his pocket and clears his throat. The boys now all look to him for an answer.</p><p>“Right…” Louis begins. “Well actually I meant to clear up the bad blood between us.” He says looking to Zayn. “I mean I don’t know how we came to it but I think we are both equally to blame.” Zayn scoffs with a shake of his head. “No really.” Louis presses on. “It was all too sudden. You decided to leave the band. We all had a few arguments and next thing I know your pinning me down and shaming me publicly.” Zayn throws up his eyebrows like he can’t believe what Louis is saying.</p><p>“I only did what the lads did. Tried to talk you down from it. Don’t know why you chose to resent me in the end.” Louis adds in.</p><p>“You think I’m mad at you because you tried to keep me from leaving the band?” Zayn asks.</p><p>“Yeah…” Louis answers like it’s obvious. “I get it Zayn. The music wasn’t to your taste. You wanted move on and do your own thing. I can appreciate that. Just don’t know why you took that out on me.”</p><p>“You think I left the band to do my own music?” Zayn says again trying to confirm Louis’ statement.</p><p>“Why is that shocking?” Louis asks. “The whole world knows you left the band so you can dabble into R&amp;B and hip hop.”</p><p>Zayn scoffs again and grins with amusement. He looks around the room for everyone’s reaction. “Do you lot believe that as well?” He looks to Harry, Liam and Niall. Niall shrugs, Harry nods slowly and Liam bobs his head like he thinks it’s partially true.</p><p>Zayn shakes his head. “Unbelievable!” He yells out and starts pacing the room. He turns back and starts pointing fingers at them. “I spoke to you three about the reasons that led me to quit. You ALL know the reason for it!! Now you are going to pretend that you don’t?!!?” His head turns to Liam. “LIAM!” He shouts and startles him. “What did I tell you when I left?”</p><p>Liam looks a little timid being put on the spot. He drops his gaze from Zayn and looks at the carpet. “You said that Louis pushed you do it and that we should be careful not to trust him.”</p><p>Louis feels stabbing wounds pierce right through him. His band members were plotting against him? couldn’t trust him? Harry looks at him to see his reaction. Louis catches him doing it but turns away. He can’t look at Harry right now. Not when he’s being disrespected.</p><p>“What the fuck is this about?” Louis asks Zayn. “Trying to turn them against me for what?”</p><p>Zayn gives Louis a long hard stare. Their bloods are equally boiling.</p><p>“How fucking dare you.” Zayn says. “How dare you stand here and pretend that this band did not fall apart because of your greed, hunger for control and manipulation!”</p><p>Louis feels himself shake with adrenaline that’s threatening to lose control. He wants to attack Zayn for his ruthless accusations. </p><p>“What you goin’ on about mate!?” Louis shouts. “When did I become the reason this band broke up?! How the fuck did I push you to leave?”</p><p>“You dare to ask that question!?” Zayn yells back. </p><p>Harry looks back and forth between Louis and Zayn. <em>This is absolutely mad,</em> he thinks. He wasn’t prepared for a war to break out. He has no idea what Zayn is going on about but wonders why he pegs Louis as the reason for the break up.</p><p>Louis doesn’t answer Zayn. He doesn’t break eye contact with him either. It’s blue vs. brown. Eyes both ready to pounce and fight it out. He feels like Zayn is pushing him to do. <em>Attack. Just attack.</em> But Louis isn’t going to. He isn’t going to let anger win this time.</p><p>“Okay…” Zayn nods. “Okay… let me tell you guys why this band broke up. Ready to hear it?” He scans the room and sees that only Niall nods. Harry looks frightened to his core and Liam is shrunk on himself.</p><p>Louis licks his lips and prepares for the accusations. Deep down inside, he knows what Zayn is about to say.</p><p>“His royal highness over here was secretly working with management behind our backs the whole time.” Zayn nods at his own affirmation unable to stop his head from nodding and looking around the room. Harry’s eyes shoot to Louis, Niall follows suit. Louis doesn’t deny it. He presses his lips together and continues to stare at Zayn. Liam doesn’t lift his eyes from the carpet.</p><p>“Yeah…” Zayn says. “I caught him negotiating our time off with management as if he were our elected spokesperson. You know why we got worked to the bone?!?!?” He yells. “This!!!” He shouts pointing at Louis. “THIS IS WHY WE WERE SLAVES.” He looks around the room again. “THIS ONE TOOK IT UPON HIMSELF TO DECIDE WHEN WE GET DAYS OFF AND WHEN WE COULD SPEND TIME WITH OUR FAMILIES!!!” Zayn winces and brings a hand to squeeze the bridge of his nose. He falls silent for a short few seconds and Harry thinks he’s about to cry. He isn’t wrong. When Zayn looks up, he is teary eyed.</p><p>“I only did what was best for us.” Louis says gently try to diffuse the situation.</p><p>“What was best for us?” Zayn scoffs and paces in place again. “WE WERE YOUNG BOYS EAGER TO GO HOME AND SEE OUR FAMILIES YOU CUNT. THAT WAS BEST FOR US. HOW DARE YOU ROB US OF THOSE OPPORTUNITIES WITHOUT CONSULTING US FIRST!!!”</p><p>Louis chuckles and shakes his head. “That’s not true.” He shakes his head again “That’s not true.”</p><p>“You fucking denying it?” Zayn takes a step closer.</p><p>“I’m not denying it.” Louis confesses. “It’s true I did make some agreements with Management.”</p><p>“Come with it then.” Zayn presses. “Tell them.. tell them about the agreements.” He pesters on.</p><p>“They barely had anything to do with our time off!! It was about style, venue, crowds, marketing, interviews. I wasn’t spearheading our calendars, there was a team for that!” He yells back.</p><p>“What about that time I caught you whispering to them about taking on interviews when we were supposed to have that time off?”</p><p>“Well what about it?” Louis asks.</p><p>“You agreed to it didn’t you? You told them we should!”</p><p>“Look mate… I don’t remember all the details.”</p><p>“STOP LYING TO YOURSELF. YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING COWARD. NEVER CHANGE. YOU NEVER FUCKING CHANGE. YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!” Zayn spits, eyes growing wider.</p><p>Niall sits up in bed. This is no time or place for him to be lounging. He brings himself to sit next to Harry on the edge of the bed. Harry looks at Niall with dread. They both look equally terrified at the exchange.</p><p>Louis feels his control dissolving. That’s it. Zayn’s doing it. He’s pushing his buttons in the way he knows he can. For a brief moment Louis wonders whether he deserves this. He reminds himself to stay calm. This is all happening for a reason. He needs to clear the air once and for all. He puts his hands on his hips, kicks at the carpet a few times and then looks up to Zayn.</p><p>“Alright…” He agrees. “I remember the one time that you caught me cutting a deal with management about some interviews or what not. You pulled me aside and asked what that was about and I told you that we were scheduling interviews.”</p><p>Zayn is coming down from his temper trying to listen to Louis’ admission. Waiting to see if Louis is going to tell truth and finally show his true colors. He steadies his breathing and focuses on the words that come out.</p><p>“Honestly Zayn I don’t remember all the details but we were in the UK that time. Management wanted us to do more interviews before we took off for holidays or something.” Louis is shaking his head. He is trying his best to remember but it feels like such a long time ago that’s it hard to make out what was said word for word.</p><p>“I think we had interviews scheduled in the UK and you had a problem with it. I don’t remember. Honestly.” He shakes his head at Zayn hoping that he can remind him of the exchange.</p><p>“We had an interview to wrap up in London but you told me there were 3 interviews possibly pending in the US. So what did I ask you that time?” Zayn says.</p><p>Louis takes a moment to ponder on this. “Right… you said to speak to management and convince them to drop the interviews in the US so we can be home earlier for the Holidays.”</p><p>“Good.” Zayn nods his head. “And then what happened Louis?” He asks condescendingly.</p><p>“I …” Louis licks his lips and looks at his feet. He can feel all their eyes on him now. “I agreed to cancel the interview in the UK and pushed for the 3 interviews the US.”</p><p>“Let me help you out.” Zayn says. “The other interviews weren’t confirmed yet. They were pending for the week before our Holidays. The one in the UK was 2 weeks before our Holiday!! We were already home.. it meant that they’d let us go home sooner than we’d planned. But no… Louis here… cancelled that and got us shipped to the US and by the time we got back we were so exhausted that we couldn’t even enjoy our holidays! Isn’t that right Louis?”</p><p>Louis doesn’t respond. There’s a million and one things running through his mind. A billion things he can say and wants to say but something pulls him back… the that thing is… the truth.. the reason behind it.</p><p>“I don’t see how any of this caused our band to break up.” Louis says in mild defeat.</p><p>“You don’t see how?” Zayn taunts. “Let me help you see it.” Louis hates the way Zayn speaks to him. Hates that he talks down to him as though Louis deserves to be treated like shit. He is surprised that he holds his ground but he knows it’s all thanks Harry. He’s not about to go back on his word. He is here. He is going to do it. Zayn can point fingers at him all he wants. He can accuse him of plotting behind their backs and be the sole reason for the band’s breakup but Louis isn’t going to back down. It’s not entirely true. Louis’ not the reason why they broke up. That was Zayn’s own doing. By rights, Louis should be mad at him.</p><p>“How many times did I plead with you after that to drop your double act and include us in all the decision making process? Did you ever listen? Did you tell the others that you worked yourself up to management level? Of course not. You rode on your high horse and acted like you were better than us!! It’s not entirely your fault though. It’s this guy right here!” Zayn points at Harry. “He’s the reason your head got so big in the first place!”</p><p>“Heyyy!” Louis yells and steps forward. “Leave Harry out of this! You want to attack me, go ahead but don’t drag him into this.” Harry looks up at Zayn with shock. “No!” Zayn snaps back.</p><p>“IT’S FUCKING TRUTH AND YOU BETTER HEAR IT!” Zayn looks to Harry and continues. “You are the reason this clown got promoted. Couldn’t see that he was using you? Course not, you were head over heels in love with the prick!!” Louis gasps for air. Zayn pauses.</p><p>“This guy right here.” Zayn says pointing at Louis but looking at Harry. “he’s been plotting all along. A smart guy. I’ll give him that. But he saw that you were the world’s favorite from the get go and what he’d do? Jump into your spotlight so that can he can be seen too.”</p><p>Louis is absolutely baffled. Where the fuck does Zayn get this shit from?</p><p>“DON’T TALK SHIT ABOUT THINGS YOU DON’T KNOW!” Louis interrupts.</p><p>“LET ME FUCKING FINISH!!!” Zayn yells back. Louis sees that Liam is trying to get his attention silently. He motions for him to stop talking and let Zayn finish. Of course Liam is going to side with Zayn. He always does. Louis shakes his head with annoyance and continues to listen to Zayn’s rant.</p><p>“HE GOT STUCK ON YOU LIKE SOME KIND OF LEECH! GOT THE FUCKING ATTENTION HE WANTED. GOT YOU TO WORK UP HIS MIND AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE THE ‘MANLY ONE’ AND ONCE HIS EGO GOT INFLATED ENOUGH LOOK WHAT HE DID TO YOU!! THREW YOU ASIDE AND PRETENDED LIKE YOU DIDN’T EXIST!! FUCKING SELFISH AND GREEDY!!!”</p><p>Harry’s face is in plain shock. He doesn’t know how to respond to any of this. His eyes are wide and he is shaking with fear. Niall already has an arm around hia shoulder and even that provides little comfort.</p><p>“YOU DONE TALKING SHIT?!!!?” Louis hisses stepping in closer.</p><p>It’s one thing to accuse Louis of plotting behind their backs and a whole other thing to accuse him of playing Harry. He did NOT use Harry to climb to the top. It’s fucking bogus. Zayn knew nothing, NOTHING about what he and harry had!</p><p>Zayn turns back to look at Louis with rage. “I COULD TALK SHIT FOR A WHOLE LIFETIME AND EVEN THAT WON’T BE ENOUGH TO COVER ALL THE DIRT. YOU ARE A FUCKING GREEDY, SELFISH CUNT!!”</p><p>Louis is done pretending. Done trying to hold back while Zayn brutally insults him and attacks his character. He will not let Zayn ruin him. Not a fucking chance in hell he will. Louis feels his controls slip… not even Harry can stop him now. He lunges forward in attempt to shove Zayn but Zayn is ready for him and they both pounce gripping each other’s clothes.</p><p>“Oiii!!” Niall shouts. Harry stands up quickly in attempt to break them apart but they wrestle each other away from Harry. Louis throws a punch at Zayn’s jaw and Zayn punches him back in the head. Curses and shouts sound over their altercation and Louis tries with all his strength to knock Zayn to the ground but Zayn doesn’t let him go nor does he lose his balance. It’s only then that Liam takes hold of Zayn and pries him away from Louis’ grasp.</p><p>“Zaynnn!!!” Liam shouts in his face but the lad won’t hear it. He and Louis are still wrestling to get back to each other. Liam pushes Zayn with more force and sends him flying back crashing into the wall. “ZAYN!!! STOP IT MAN!!!” Liam screams. Zayn brushes himself off and walks up to Liam. “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME LIAM!! DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!!!!”</p><p>Niall and Harry are both struggling to hold Louis back. He continues to shout threats and curses at Zayn. Liam turns around and puts a hand up trying to silence him. He turns back to Zayn.</p><p>“What the fuck is your problem man?” Liam shouts. “You’re making a big deal out of this!! So what? He cut a few deals with management. I knew about it! Niall knew about it! Even Harry knew about it. It’s not a surprise!! Fine, I never heard about the interview thing but look…” He throws his hands up the air. “We all lived.  We all survived!”</p><p>Zayn throws an eyebrow up in shock… WOW! After everything he’s revealed … Liam dares to back him up and excuse his behavior. Zayn is in shock. That’s not how he imagined this would turn out.</p><p>Zayn puts his hands on his hips and nods. He has that menacing grin again that makes Louis want to jump out of his skin and tear him apart. Fuck that mockery. Fuck that smirk.</p><p>“Okay Liam…” Zayn says. “You all knew about it. None of you did anything to stop it? Let him have all the control? Self-electing himself to lead the fucking interviews, speak to the media, address the fucking masses as though he were a team leader and you all let him do it cause you were brown-nosing him or what? I don’t get it. Thought you were better than that Liam?” His eyes fly over to Niall. “And Niall? Really? Just let Louis speak for you?”</p><p>Niall is not one for confrontation. He feels himself get nervous and is relieved when Louis pipes up for him. “No one brown-nosed me and I didn’t self-elect myself. You know all too well the reason I led some of those interviews. And I didn’t even lead them half the time. Everyone had equal chance to speak!”</p><p>“Zayn I think you -- ” Harry starts but is cut off.</p><p>“Fucking liar.” Zayn says.</p><p>“Wasn’t really like that.” Niall also says in the entanglement of responses that come from every person in the room.</p><p>“You mad because you didn’t speak yet you were ridden with anxiety and didn’t want to speak. I don’t fuckin get it mate. How do we please you?” Louis says.</p><p>“Louis is right.” Liam responds after him. “I don’t understand why you have a problem with that. You chose not to speak Zayn, why are you pretending like he stole your chance man?”</p><p>“I’m not pretending and I’m not mad that I DIDN’T GET TO SPEAK! I’m MAD that he didn’t give you guys equal chances to!”</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Harry cuts in. “I’ve probably spoken more than Louis has.”</p><p>“Things really changed when you left.” Niall adds in.</p><p>Zayn takes a step back and looks at Harry and Niall with great surprise. “So I’m to blame?” Zayn asks Niall. “Just needed to get rid of me than?” He adds in.</p><p>“No, that’s not what Niall means.” Liam defends him. “This is all in your head Zayn. You are resentful to Louis because you found out about him instead of him telling you. You two were close and I think that hurt you. You let that get between you two.”</p><p>Zayn shakes his head. Louis stays silent. Liam is onto something here.</p><p>“Look.” Liam says in a more serious tone. “I know what happened. And I think I know why this band fell apart. Can we all please take our seats so that I can explain?”</p><p>Harry tugs on Louis’ arm. “Come on.” He whispers. He and Niall lead Louis to the bed. Liam goes back to his seat and Zayn continues to stand looking impatient and absolutely furious with them. “Go on then Mr. Know-it-all. Tell us! Tell us what happened. You sure seem to know everything!” Zayn says to Liam.</p><p>“A little respect goes a long way.” Liam scolds him back and Zayn just bites his tongue and shakes his head back. Louis smirks, it feels a little good.</p><p>“Okay… first of all…  Zayn’s decision to leave the band isn’t the reason we fell apart. Zayn was pushed to make that decision because there was too much tension in the air. The reason he left is twofold.” He pauses for a deep breath.</p><p>“He wanted to make his own music true, but there was also so much animosity inside the band that it was too much bear. I think, you know where I’m going with this.” Liam looks up at Harry and Louis.</p><p>“Niall and I spoke about this often.. truthfully, Louis and Harry… you two were the reason for all the tension.” Louis quirks his brow and Harry just nods along like he understands. “Zayn… I know you are mad at Louis and want to blame him for things going sour.” Liam shakes his head. “But you are not mad at him because he was ‘team leader’ you are mad at him because your friendship fell apart.”</p><p>Zayn looks bewildered. “Any why do you reckon our friendship fell apart?” He asks daringly.</p><p>“Because he distanced himself from us.” Liam answers.</p><p>Zayn shakes his head. “No mate, that’s where you’re wrong. It fell apart because he couldn’t take me nagging anymore. Constantly catching him in his acts and telling him to smarten up. It didn’t do well for his ego so he dropped me cause of it.”</p><p>Liam just shrugs. “Okay well if that’s what happened then so be it. I won’t pretend to know.”</p><p>“He’s not wrong.” Louis admits and meets Zayn’s glare. “Me and Zayn got it at because of that several times but we worked through it… just don’t know why he keeps comin’ back to it.”</p><p>“Right.. like I was saying.. it was the tension in the air… You two – ” Liam looks to Harry and Louis “were the reason for that tension.”</p><p>Louis sighs in place. Yet again… the blame falls onto him.</p><p>“Niall help me out here.” Liam pleads. Niall turns crimson red. Fuck’s sake. Not even in his drunken stupor did he have the guts for a confrontation. No liquid courage.</p><p>“Arite.” He clears his throat. “Well… you guys made it hard for us.” Liam looks at him with disappointment. Niall’s not cut out for this. Liam knows Niall is not about to go stampeding and breaking hearts with honesty.</p><p>“Okay… maybe I should say it.” Liam stands up. “We don’t know what happened between you. We heard the rumors. Saw you together but you never did confirm anything and it’s none of our business but when your ‘bromance’ or whatever it was ended we had to clean the mess while you two hid.”</p><p>Louis sighs loudly again enough for everyone in the room to hear it. He avoids looking at Harry to his left.</p><p>“Do you know hard it was? to do everything we had to do in the public eye while stepping on eggshells? No wait… fuck that. The pretending on TV was so much easier because you two played along. It was backstage that was hell. In our change rooms, meeting rooms, kitchen, gym, fucking tour bus, planes, every single fucking place felt like a war zone. We felt like we were living with divorced parents. Constantly having to play messenger. One of you walks into the room sees the other and turns right back around. We tried hard to get you both to sit down but you never did. It was a fucking blow to our morale man. We couldn’t pick a side. We didn’t want to and what made it harder was neither one of you had the courtesy to tell us what happened. Imagine what that felt like for us!”</p><p>Louis hears Harry sniffle next to him. He looks over and sees that Harry is silently crying. <em>Fucking Hell.</em> He puts a reassuring hand on Harry’s knee and hopes that suffices for now. He’s got nothing more to offer.</p><p>“We even got asked about it.” Niall says. “It was really awkward like we constantly had to lie and all that.”</p><p>“Right!” Liam says. “We had such a great start man… all of us hanging out all the time, laughing, writing music together, talking about our future as a band. And then you just took that away from us. And like I said, what hurt most was that we never understood why. Anyway, you don’t have to share that. We get it. It’s your private business but just thought I’d be frank and tell you why I think the band fell apart. You guys brought in the tension and the rest of us went in separate directions. It wasn’t a pleasant experience. So… Zayn didn’t think it was worth it anymore. We gave up hope trying to salvage your relationship and just felt like our sweet little band was over.”</p><p>Louis can see from the corner of his eye that Zayn nods along to Liam’s words. So this had been a problem for the others then? Louis feels the guilt wrench his heart. He is solely to blame for this. He knows with certainty that he is.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Harry says through his tears. Louis pats his knee trying to prepare a speech or explanation but he is cut off by Liam.</p><p>“Harry… it’s fine. It’s fine. We know you guys tried in the end but it was a little too late and Zayn had already left.” Liam shrugs. “It is what it is.”</p><p>Louis is clearing his throat but Liam cuts him off again. “I’m just curious… You’ve heard all of our opinions on why this band dissolved, but we haven’t heard yours. What do you think happened?” Liam asks Harry.</p><p>Louis quirks a brow. Guess he’s got to wait a little longer.</p><p>Harry wipes at his tears. “Well… up until now I thought it was because of Zayn leaving … but what you said makes sense… about me and Louis.” He stifles back another round of tears threatening to spill out. “I’m sorry.” He pleads again. “But since we’re being honest… I didn’t hole myself up in my room just cause of the whole Louis thing.” He looks up at Liam. “I distanced myself because of something Zayn said also.”</p><p>Zayn looks taken back, his reaction doesn’t go missed by the others who look over to him with eager curiosity. Liam furrows his brows. “What do you mean?”</p><p><em>Zayn? what had Zayn said to Harry?</em> Louis thinks. “What did Zayn say to you?” Louis asks sternly.</p><p>Harry looks over to Zayn as though contemplating his answer. He swallows thickly. His lips tremble a bit and Louis doesn’t know what Harry is fighting. The tears? or the urge to tell them what Zayn said?</p><p>“I’m sorry to betray your trust.” Harry tells Zayn and lets his eyes fall down to the floor.</p><p>“What did I say?” Zayn asks not knowing what he is talking about.</p><p>“It was a conversation we had some time ago.” <em>Well that’s a given Harry… go on. </em></p><p>“You said… that you thought you, me and Liam could make it on our own.” Harry fights the control that’s keeping him from telling them the whole truth. “Said that you didn’t think Niall and Louis were fit to be in the band.”</p><p>“Ouch.” Niall says. Louis looks at Zayn with disdain but Zayn only locks his eyes on Harry.</p><p>“What the fuck does that have to do with anything?” Zayn shoots back.</p><p>Harry is a bit intimidated but they’re having an honest discussion. Doesn’t think Zayn of all people should keep him from confessing.</p><p>“Well… you said you regretted signing the contract. Should’ve won on your own.” Harry pauses and takes another deep breath. “You said that you wanted to leave the band and couldn’t stand it anymore.”</p><p>Zayn throws his hands in the air not knowing what Harry is leading at.</p><p>“I was hurt by it. Knew it was a matter of time before you did it. Course I didn’t think that we’d actually end up a being a band of 4 and go on. Thought you leaving meant all of 1D was going to dissolve.”</p><p>Zayn gives Harry ‘<em>okay please’</em> look. But Harry’s feelings are valid.</p><p>“You weren’t the same anymore either. It was hard being around you.” Harry tells him. “So yeah… I kept my distance cause I knew it was coming. Was just a matter of time before all our hard work came crashing down. I guess I was just preparing for it. Preparing for the end. Tried to see you all less and less so that when the time came I didn’t feel so broken about it. I’m sorry. I know it was selfish, I was looking out for myself but I was already…” His lips tremble. “Was already broken up about the whole Louis thing and then you said those words and I just felt my world split in half. I couldn’t handle another breakup without preparing for it. At the time, you guys were my life. The band was my life and I didn’t know what my life would be like without it all. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Zayn rolls his eyes. Louis feels furious that Zayn is dismissing Harry’s feelings. He feels himself fuming.</p><p>“I understand Harry.” Liam tells him. “It’s fine you did what you had to do.”</p><p>“This is all fucking bullshit man. We came up here because Louis needed to apologize but so far, I’ve only heard Harry apologize and the rest of you teaming up with Louis against me. This is fucking bull.”</p><p>“We are just trying to share our thoughts.” Liam speaks up. “It’s important that we all know what we’ve all been burying inside our heads. If we want to have a band again we need to have an honest start.”</p><p>“I’m not joining no fucking band mate. You guys do whatever fuck you want. I just want an apology. This coward right here still owes me a fuckin’ explanation. Since the rest of you don’t seem to want it then I’ll pry it out myself.”</p><p>Louis rolls his eyes. <em>This again.</em> “I’m not explainin’ anything until you drop your fucking attitude. I’m not havin’ your insults mate.”</p><p>“Louis.” Liam cuts in with a hand up in protest. He looks over to Zayn. “What do you need him to explain?” Liam self-elects himself as the moderator. Typical Liam really.</p><p>“I want to know why he denied us time with our families when I SPECIFICALLY asked him to do the opposite!” Zayn yells.</p><p>Niall sighs loudly. <em>This again</em>. Really Niall doesn’t know how much longer he can sit around and listen to Louis and Zayn go on about this. He doesn’t understand why Zayn is so caught up on it.</p><p>“First of all…” Louis says. “It only happened that one time okay?” He crosses his arms over his chest. “After we had our argument about it, I told management I didn’t want to have any say in our interviews again.”</p><p>“Doesn’t excuse why you did it the first time.” Zayn hollers back.</p><p>“You are right. It doesn’t. And again… I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you that time. I did what I have to do.”</p><p>Zayn throws his arms up in the air again. Is that all Louis' got? I did what I had to do? Going to use that same fucking argument again?</p><p>“WHY WAS THAT SOMETHING YOU HAD TO DO? FUCKING CHRIST… YOU ALWAYS USE THE SAME EXCUSE!! JUST COME WITH IT AND SAY IT MAN!!” Zayn paces the room angrily and Louis takes another deep breath. He sighs and closes his eyes for a moment. He opens them and bites on his bottom lip. <em>You’ve gotta say it. </em>The voice in his head tells him.<em> You can keep it all a secret… or you can say it and get it over with… but honesty always finds a way. </em></p><p>“I did it because the other interviews paid us more.” Louis says gently.</p><p>Zayn stops in his tracks and looks at him like he’s about to beat him up.</p><p>“YOU SEE???” He asks the group. “DIDN’T I FUCKING TELL YOU THIS CUNT GOT GREEDY? KEPT US FROM SEEING OUR FAMILIES JUST SO WE COULD GET PAID A LITTLE MORE AS IF WE WEREN’T RICH ENOUGH!!!” Zayn rolls his eyes at Louis. “WE DIDN’T NEED THE FUCKING MONEY YOU PRICK. WE ALL WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH OUR FAMILIES!!! THAT’S ALL YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT. MONEY. MONEY. MONEY. YOU WORKED US TO THE FUCKIN BONE AND GOT RICH RIDING OFF OUR BACKS. YOU FUCKING TALENTLESS SON OF A BITCH!”</p><p>And it’s not Louis that gets up this time. No… Harry finds himself slapping Zayn across the face and then somehow he’s pulled back – well lifted back by Louis who tosses him onto the bed. Liam and Niall are also on their feet. This is fucking swell… Harry manages to get back on his feet and the five of them stand at each other’s throat. Liam’s arm extends between Louis and Zayn trying to keep them apart. Niall has a hand on Zayn's chest trying to hold him back and Louis keeps a hand across Harry’s torso forcing him back.</p><p>The world around them only hears screams of “GUYS!” “STOP” “FUCKIN CUNT” “HOW DARE YOU?” “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” “DON’T CALL HIM SON OF A BITCH” “STAY BACK HARRY!” “LET GO OF ME NIALL!” “TAKE IT EASY ZAYN!” “I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!” “JUST TRY YOU FUCKING TWAT!”</p><p>And then the door breaks open and the five of them turn to look at the invaders.</p><p>“What the fuck is going on!?” Gemma yells.</p><p>“Everyone can hear you from downstairs!” Lottie adds in.</p><p>Lou walks into the room and looks them one by one with hurt in her eyes.</p><p>“Nothing.. it’s fine… It’s fine.. I’ve just about got it under control.” Liam says reassuringly but even he knows it’s not true.</p><p>“Harry!” Gemma calls out. “Common let’s go.”</p><p>“’M not going anywhere!” Harry yells back at her.</p><p>“I’m not asking you! I’m telling you!” She shoots back.</p><p>Louis let’s his hand fall down from where it holds Harry back. “Go.” He whispers over to him. “No!” Harry says.</p><p>“You’re coming too.” Lottie says. Louis shakes his head. <em>Not a fucking chance</em>.</p><p>“Do you guys mind?” Niall finds himself saying in complete shock.</p><p>“What’s gotten into you guys?” Lou asks him.</p><p>“We are just sorting things out.” Niall answers her and feels his hand slip away from Zayn.</p><p>“We’re going to behave.” Liam says.</p><p>Zayn kisses his teeth and steps back with a scowl. <em>What a waste of his fucking time.</em></p><p>“Honestly.” Liam says again. “We need to hash things out. We’ll be fine. We’ll keep our voices down.” He drops his hand down since Zayn has already separated from the mosh pit. Harry rolls his eyes and goes to sit on the bed. Niall turns back to the girls and ushers them out with his hands. It must be his adrenaline finally seeping through the alcohol.</p><p>“Harry?” Gemma says. “I’ll be fine Gems. I promise.” Harry says under his breath not turning to look at her. She doesn’t fully believe him but sees that Louis places a hand on his shoulder and feels that maybe she can trust Louis to look after him.</p><p>“Okay.” She says and turns to leave the room.</p><p>“Better keep your voices down.” Lou says. “And you better make up. It breaks my heart to see my boys fighting with each other.” Liam wraps an arm around her shoulder and whispers promises in her ears. He leads her out of the room and closes the door behind him.</p><p>Not a single word follows after the door closes. Everyone is sitting or standing with a hand in their hair, or a hand covering their face, or pacing back and forth. There’s a few heavy sighs that litter the air and the tension has never been thicker.</p><p>Louis’ time has finally arrived and what a build-up it has been…</p><p>He clears his throat and waits for Liam to have a seat.</p><p>“Alright.” He begins. “This has gotten out of control. No one is to blame but myself.” He kicks a foot against the carpet. “Look… I didn’t want to say it cause I didn’t want anyone to feel pity for me. I hate playing that card… you all know I do.”</p><p>He looks around and sees that only Liam is looking at him. The rest of them are looking down at their hands or feet. Zayn’s the only one standing and leaning against the wall staring at the door. He surely hopes that Zayn is listening because this is the explanation he’s been waiting for.</p><p>“I needed to take on those interviews because I needed the money.” He pauses again and sighs. “I know you all thought we had enough but I had 4 siblings and another 2 on the way… you all know me family had a bit o’ rough time.” He pauses to lick his lips. “I shouldn’t have sacrificed your time with your families just so I can feed mine. That was wrong. I’m sorry.” He looks up waiting for Zayn to acknowledge him but it doesn’t come. He is expecting more.</p><p>“I had only started to get me family outta the hole that time.” Still no responses. “The holidays were coming and I wanted to show a little more for it. For them.” Still nothing. “I don’t expect anyone to understand but I was under a lot of pressure. I am the eldest and my family were countin’ on me.”</p><p>He looks over to Liam whose the only one still looking at him. Liam seems to nod in understanding and that gives Louis some hope.</p><p>“I promise you. That was the last time. I never done it again. Especially cause I seen the way Zayn reacted and made me understand that he wanted to be with his family. But I had done it a few times before then and I’m sorry that I didn’t come clean about it.”</p><p>And that gets Zayn to look at him. Louis looks back and hopes that Zayn can see the sincerity in his eyes.</p><p>“Zayn… you were me good mate man. I shoulda told you then but I was scared. You were right. I was a bit of coward too.” He swallows thickly around his words.</p><p>“I never meant to control our band or be the leader. I suppose that just came naturally and I never used Harry to get me popularity. I genuinely liked Harry and being around him.”</p><p>The room falls silent. Not a word. Not a sounded breath.</p><p>“I regret it so much.” Louis says with a low voice. He looks away from Zayn and drops his gaze to his folded hands. “I was so focused on making money and helpin’ me family that I ignored the original purpose of this band. To sing… to be happy together… to hang out with each other even.”</p><p>“I guess Zayn had a point didn’t he?” He asks but no one answers. “I did get greedy. I was constantly thinking about money and it cost me everything.”</p><p>He exhales loudly and the energy in the room stills. Everyone’s anger begins to dissolve…</p><p>“I’m sorry I kept you from your families.” He says again. “I suppose karma got me didn’t it?” Harry looks up at him with sympathetic eyes. Louis looks to him briefly but drops his gaze back to his hands.</p><p>“I’ve spent all me time chasing money and being away from me family. Lost the time I coulda spent with me mum and me sister and now they’re gone.” He voices breaks. His lips begin to tremble.</p><p>“Don’t think I don’t regret it. I do. I think about it all the time.” A little cry escapes him. “No money in the world is going to bring them back and that guilt just eats at me.” He cries again.</p><p>Harry can’t help but reach out a hand and hold his knee.</p><p>“I’m sorry Zayn.” He looks up to Zayn. “I not only kept you from your family. The rest of you even .. but I denied myself the time as well and now it’s something I can’t take back.” He cries a little louder, rubbing the tears from his eyes with some force, aching to continue. “I blame myself for it all the time. I do. It’s all me fault.”</p><p>His voice cracks and the ground beneath him opens up swallowing him whole. He is falling… feels himself falling. Falls into an abyss where only regret and guilt breed life. <em>His fault.</em> His body trembles and he surrenders to the ache in his throat. He cries. He sobs. He cries so loudly. Feels like a child crying for their mother. For the comfort that only a mother can give. <em>But he denied that for himself. Only he is to blame.</em></p><p>Harry wraps consoling arms around him and tries rub his back. “It’s okay.” Harry whispers and that only makes Louis cry harder because it’s not okay. For so long Louis tried to run away from it all. Pretend that he didn’t sacrifice time with his family for more money. That money was for his family anyway. He couldn’t win no matter what but at the end of the day. It haunted him. Felt like he was being tugged in different directions. He had no time for himself. Constantly sacrificed everything for his family’s sake. Spent all his efforts, all the sleepless night, all the tire and fatigue at such a young age and so far from his family for their sakes. He hadn’t done it for himself. He wasn’t that selfish. But when all was said and done, he had turned around and saw that the photograph he carried lost two faces. Not an illusion. And it hadn’t been temporary. He had lost them forever. No more mother to hold him or console him or tell him how proud she was, how grateful she was for all his hard work and for putting the family first. No, none of it. And his sister… he heard her cries for help, knew she was sinking in too deep but all he did was keep his distance from it and blame the friends around her. He never got a chance to tell her she’s grown into her own. A beautiful young lady with a promising future ahead. <em>Felicite, you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. The world’s your stage.</em> How he wished he could’ve said that to her. <em>I love you. And I’m sorry that work has kept me far away from you. Never got a chance to see the woman you’ve matured into</em>. He’s her older brother. He should have been there. Should have protected her. Comforted her. Held her and told her it was okay to mourn. That they would all be there for each other. But they weren’t. He and Lottie left her all on her own. All his chances of saving her were gone. There was nothing he could do to bring them back. All he had was regret and guilt.</p><p>Louis’ cries grow louder, more bellowing, like a cry from the depths of his core that’s been aching to find release now sees it chance to escape. He didn’t like to pitied. Didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for him but he couldn’t stop it.</p><p><em>Can’t stop it this time.</em> The voice in his head tells him. <em>I told you, you’ve been running from it. It was only a matter of time before you crashed and burned. </em></p><p>
  <em>Let yourself feel. Let yourself mourn. Let yourself remember. It’s a part of life. Stop ignoring life. Stop pretending it’s something it’s really not. Be honest Louis. Be yourself again. Take a look around you and ask yourself what you really want eh?</em>
</p><p>Niall and Liam are hovering around him. He doesn’t know when they’ve gotten up but he feels a bunch of hands on him, caressing him, soothing him. A few whispers that say “It’s going to be alright mate” “I’m here for you man” “It’s not your fault” “I’m sorry for you loss mate”.</p><p>Harry feels something trying to pull him away. He too has lost himself in their embrace. He’s feeling Louis pain as though it were his own and he can’t help but cry along with him. It hurts him to know that Louis thinks all this is all his fault.</p><p>“Harry.” The voice pleads. “Please.. just for a minute.” Harry wonders how long Zayn has been trying to get his attention or pull him away from Louis. He turns back to look at him and feels angry with him. This was all Zayn’s doing.</p><p>“Louis.” Zayn whispers now kneeling in front of him. Louis can’t bring himself to look at him. Not in this state. He nods to Zayn’s call and keeps a hand over his face. Zayn places his hands over Louis thighs and squeezes. “It’s not your fault.” He says. “Please don’t say that.” Louis just shakes his head. He’s not going to believe that. Not even Zayn can change his mind. “Louis. I’m really sorry man. I had no idea you were trying to help your family. I feel bad about it. Please.” He takes one of Louis’ hands into his own. “Please forgive me man.” Louis continues to fight the tears and nods his head. He can’t speak just yet but nods that he forgives Zayn.</p><p>Zayn squeezes his hand. “My man.” He says. “You’ve been dealt a bad hand. I’m sorry for it. But you’ve been so strong about it. I wouldn’t have had the strength to carry on. I want you to know that I’m proud of you man. I’m proud of the man you’ve become. I’ll never know how you do it but I promise you, we are all proud of you.”</p><p>Louis feels the ache begin to settle. Zayn’s voice comes soothingly and it comforts him. Louis nods again in gratitude. He presses his lips together to stop the trembling. Liam is whispering in his left ear too. “We ARE proud of you. Always here for you mate.”</p><p>Louis squeezes Zayn hand. “Thanks.” He says with a tremble. “Means a lot.” He feels someone poke at him from behind. He turns back and sees that Harry is on the bed behind him and is handing him tissues. “Thanks Harry.” He takes the tissues from Harry’s hand and blows his nose. The boys step back and give him some space. Zayn settles on the floor right in front of Louis. He’s isn’t going anywhere. He feels remorseful. Feels terrible that he turned all this on Louis without understanding why it had to happen. He wishes Louis would’ve just told him but Zayn knows Louis’ pride gets in the way of honesty sometimes.</p><p>“Lads.” Liam says gently. “I think we can all agree that we’ve all made mistakes along the way. It wasn’t just one man or another. Even I can admit I’ve done stupid things that hurt the band.”</p><p>“Yeah.. same here.” Niall whispers.</p><p>“We were just young yeah? A little unfair to judge each other. There was lots happening that implicated the band. Not just by us but even the pressure around us.” Liam clasps his hands together. “I think we’ve learned a lot tonight.” He sighs.</p><p>“Can we all just be mates again?” Niall asks with a little cheer and smile.</p><p>“Yeah.” Harry and Liam say together.</p><p>“That would be nice.” Zayn says and Louis just nods, wipes at the remaining tears in his eyes.</p><p>“I’m not done.” Louis says.</p><p>“No?” Liam asks as though he wants Louis to reconsider his statement.</p><p>“No…” Louis repeats. “I need to explain me relationship with Harry.”</p><p>Harry feels his chest grow heavy. <em>Is this the right time?</em> Harry feels the panic set in.</p><p>“Harry?” Louis says turning around to look at him. He turns his body on the bed sideways to ease the strain on his neck.</p><p>“I owe you a lifetime of apologies.” He says. “Saying sorry isn’t going to fix what I did but I need you to know why I did it anyway.” He pauses and looks down to his hand holding the damp tissues.</p><p>“me financial obligations are the same reason why I had to let you go.” He pauses and bites his lips. “I was given an ultimatum.” Harry’s eyes shoot up to meet him. “Management was sick of me stunts and me attitude.” He pauses again trying to recall the words they said. “They said if I didn’t quit actin’ a fool in front of cameras that I’d be ruining the band. They were target marketing young girls and here I was tryin’ stealing you from the spotlight. They didn’t like it. Course you had a better voice and were the more popular one so they said if I didn’t stop that they rescind me contract and kick me off.”</p><p>Louis wipes his face over. “Look I didn’t mean to pick money over your love.” He bites on his bottom lip again. “I didn’t have any choice then. Me family was getting just startin’ to get comfortable and there was no goin’ back from it.” The room is completely still except for Louis panicked breath. “’M sorry Harry. I couldn’t risk getting booted from the band, had to do it for me family.”</p><p>Harry looks away. “I had full confidence that once I’ve got me family settled then we’d find a way back together.” Louis reaches out and grabs Harry’s hand. “But then me mum got sick Harry.” Louis’ eyes start to tear up again and Harry can’t help but shed a few tears of his own. “I had to stick out and pay for her appointments, treatments, medicine. By the time that was all done, I had to turn me attention to me son and that whole problem and here we now…” He swallows his words with discomfort. “I told you I’m still tryin’ to sort me life out but every time I find me way towards you somethin’ else comes up that distract me from reachin’ you.”</p><p>Louis squeezes his hand, patiently waiting for a response but it doesn’t come. He looks away and lands on Liam’s face.</p><p>Liam sends him a sympathetic smile and Louis returns it.</p><p>“I’m sorry lads, to each and every one of you. I let money spoil all our relationships. Broke me and Harry up and led to the tension which broke the band up.”</p><p>“Like I said.” Liam interrupts. “We are all to blame. We all played a part in it.”</p><p>“Still.” Louis says. “I feel my part was the bigger share. I know me apology won’t bring justice but know that I think about it. Will think it about for as long as I live and that I truly regret it. Wish I could go back an’ change it.”</p><p>“It’s alright.” Niall perks up.</p><p>“It is what it is.” Zayn says. Louis looks down at him and finds him smiling. Right. He smiles back and nods his head. He turns back to see whether Harry is still avoiding him and he is.</p><p>“Right then…” Liam says standing up from his seat. “I guess we’ll leave you two alone to talk then?” He straightens out his back.</p><p>Louis looks back to Harry but he doesn’t budge. Doesn’t know whether Harry is up for another conversation. It’s in that moment that Louis has an epiphany.</p><p>“Liam.” Louis says. “When you get downstairs, could you please send Gemma, Lottie and El up?”</p><p>Harry’s eyes widen. Louis doesn’t see him from where he sits behind him.</p><p><em>Oh no. Oh no. no. no. no.</em> Harry thinks. <em>What is he planning? What could he possibly want to say to those 3?</em></p><p>“Yeah – course.” Liam says looking over at Harry nervously.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you like this story please share with your friends! I would appreciate the endorsement. </p><p>Part III is in the works and I promise you less anger and more fluff. Stay tuned!!</p><p>Also, Happy New Year!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. I'm Not Scared of Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zayn gets up from where he’s seated on the floor and claps a hand on Louis shoulder. “I’m sorry again.” He says with remorse. “Really am. For everything..” Louis smiles at him and extends an arm out. “Bring it in.” He gets up and he and Zayn embrace. Man… all the familiar things feel good tonight.</p><p>“I’m sorry too.” Louis whispers in his ear. “Sorry I punched you.” He squeezes Zayn and Zayn claps him on the back. “Miss you man.” Zayn says as they separate from the embrace. “I miss you too.” Louis says earnestly and slaps his arm gently. </p><p>“Still your best man?” Zayn smiles coyly.</p><p>“Still me best man.” Louis affirms with a smirk as they shake hands and bump fists. <em>Harry’s never going to know the correlation between getting things sorted with Zayn and Louis getting back to him but you, the reader, just caught glimpse why that needed to happen. Let’s not tell Harry though. </em></p><p>Behind them, Niall pulls Harry into a hug. “Alright Harry. I’ll see you later. Good luck with it all.”</p><p>Zayn turns away from Louis and reaches over to Harry. He presses a knee to the bed and leans over. “Harry. Come here.” Harry shifts closer and let’s Zayn take him into his arms. “I’m sorry about it all. Didn’t know what I said affected you so much.” Harry squeezes him in the hug. “It’s not your fault.” He whispers. “I did it to myself.” Zayn leans back and smirks at him. “A little true. Always been a bit of a sap haven’t ya?” He playfully punches Harry’s jaw and Harry chuckles lightly.</p><p>Liam and Louis exchange quick hugs and Niall fist bumps Louis before the three of them slip downstairs.</p><p>Louis finds Harry already looking at him when he goes to take a seat in Liam’s empty chair. He doesn’t know where he gets the balls to do what he’s about to do but tonight’s been one surprise after another, so what’s another go?</p><p>“Loueh...” Harry whispers. “Are you sure you want to do this?” He fumbles his hands nervously before bringing them to rest on his jacket. He feels himself getting too hot. Perhaps it’s time to retire the jacket.</p><p>Louis offers Harry a kind smile. He can see that Harry is terrified and nervous. </p><p>“Never been more sure.” He pauses. “Don’t worry though, you won’t have to do any talkin’ for the next part.”</p><p>Harry doesn’t return his smile. He continues to stare on with concern. He begins to unbutton his jacket and carefully hangs it on the headboard. Louis’ eyes trace his steps, they linger a little too long on his back. <em>God bless his sheer blouses</em>, Louis thinks. He feels himself twitch in his pants again. <em>How immature</em>. He hasn’t seen anything yet.</p><p>Harry takes a seat on the bed again and finds Louis staring at his chest. He’s got no shame checking him out like that when Harry can clearly see. Harry clears his throat and says “Shouldn’t you speak with her privately?” He hopes that mentioning Eleanor will get Louis to lower his gaze.</p><p> “Well… there’s a reason I need to say in front of the lot.” Louis says. “Nice blouse.” He smiles.</p><p>“Thanks…” Harry says blushing. He feels a little uncomfortable. Too much happening is at once. He shifts on the bed and rests his head against the headboard. At least this way Louis won’t have to stare at his chest.</p><p>“Take it easy on her.” It comes out so low that Louis almost misses it.</p><p>“I will. I promise.”</p><p>They sit in silence for a little longer and Louis starts to prepare the speech in his head. He is thankful that the stillness provides opportunity to think about this peacefully.</p><p>“It’s almost midnight.” Harry says looking down at his watch.</p><p>“Yeah… it’s fine. Sounds like the party is still buzzin’ downstairs.”</p><p>The room fills with silence again.</p><p>“I don’t feel good about this.” Harry says again breaking Louis out of his deep thoughts.</p><p>“Harry! Please… I’m trying to focus here!”</p><p>Harry feels a little hurt. He’s only intended to share his feelings but Louis’ dismissed them and hasn’t provided any comfort. The hurt and mild anger etch themselves on his face and he looks away bothered. <em>How rude</em>.</p><p>It takes a few seconds before Louis pipes up and offers a quick apology. “Sorry. Honestly. I’m just trying to think.” Harry doesn’t respond nor look at him. He’s allowed to be a little petty. Louis’ forced him into this situation and won’t even coax him into it? <em>That’s not how it works.</em></p><p>“Are you mad at me?” Louis asks playfully.</p><p>Harry doesn’t respond.</p><p>“Harry?” He won’t even look at him.</p><p>“Hazza?... Harold?... Curly?... Marcel?... No…? No one there?”</p><p>He sees a smile tugging at Harry’s lip. Louis decides to walk over to him. He takes a seat on the bed. “Harry…” He says gently. “I said I’m sorry.” Harry doesn’t relent. He sort of likes the chase. It feels oddly empowering.</p><p>Louis reaches over and grabs Harry’s hand. He takes it into his own two hands and tucks them under his chin. When Harry looks over he sees that Louis’ eyes are closed. Harry tries to pry his hand away from Louis’ hold but Louis doesn’t let him.</p><p>“Give me back my hand.” He says.  </p><p>Louis’ eyes shoot open and land on him. He doesn’t say anything. Just looks back down and kisses Harry’s hand.</p><hr/><p>Liam tells Gemma that she, Eleanor and Lottie are needed upstairs. He couldn’t bring himself to say it to Eleanor and Lottie was too busy taking selfies with Lou that he didn’t want to intrude.</p><p>Zayn and Niall take a seat and when Gemma looks to the girls she feels the boy’s eyes on her. There’s a strange tension in the air. She thinks she knows what’s about to go down and hates that she’s been ordained a messenger.</p><p>She feels a little too nervous for someone who isn’t even calling the meeting. Eleanor and Lottie look at each other with confusion and Niall can’t help but give himself away when presses a sympathetic smile to Eleanor who scans their faces for answers. Eleanor bites the inside of her cheek and takes Lottie’s arm.</p><hr/><p>“Loueh…” Harry drags. “I want my hand back.” Louis knows it’s not true. He wants to be held just doesn’t want to admit it when he’s pretending to be mad at Louis.</p><p>“I need your hand.” Louis says. Harry quirks a brow. “What for?”</p><p>Louis kisses it again and looks at him. “Gives me strength I need to carry on.”</p><p>Harry is distracted by the door that slowly creeps open. Gemma’s head pokes in and she gives them a little smile. She keeps the door from fully swinging open, waiting for them to part ways. Louis quickly gets up and straightens himself out. He walks over to the chair and takes a seat. “Come in.” He says.</p><p>Gemma flops down next to Harry. They look at each other and she gives him a tight lipped smile. “You okay?” She whispers. Harry just nods silently. “Red nose all day.. can’t imagine it’s the birthday of the century.” She teases. Harry watches as Lottie and Eleanor stand against the wall and glare over to him and Louis waiting for an explanation. He turns into Gemma and buries his face in her hair. She wraps an arm around him and whispers a quick ‘<em>It’s going to be okay.’</em></p><p>Louis asks the others to take a seat but Eleanor insists she wants to stand and Lottie follows suit probably in attempt to side with her.</p><p>He struggles to get his first words out but decides on a prelude about having a lot of time to think things through and no longer able to fight against his internal moral compass. Lottie feigns little interest. Eleanor doesn’t even look at him, she’s fighting her nerves by picking at her fingernails. Harry still hides in Gemma’s hair and Gemma is the only one listening with intent.</p><p>Before he’s given a chance to explain, he is interrupted by Eleanor who asks “Why are you doing this in front of them?”</p><p>“Because our relationship extends beyond just us El.” He says. “I don’t want this to affect your relationship with Lottie and Gemma or Harry even. I want to make sure that we all walk away with mutual respect for one another.”</p><p>She doesn’t look at all convinced by his words. He can see the tears well up in her eyes and Lottie already has an arm around her waist.</p><p>“El… you’re a very special person to me. To me family even. You’ve been there for all of us and you play a big role in our lives.” He pauses. “I’m not sayin’ this to ease your pain or pretend to be a good guy. It’s all true.”</p><p>She bites at her trembling lip, still unable to look at him.</p><p>“Eleanor…” He sighs… “I grew to love you. Adore you. There’s so many things about you that I admire.”</p><p>Lottie rolls her eyes at him.</p><p>“All our time together wasn’t pretend. I genuinely loved you.”</p><p>Louis’ words sting Harry. Harry doesn’t know why he’s being forced to listen to all this. Isn’t the whole idea of this talk to tell them he doesn’t love Eleanor? Is Harry being selfish? dismissive of what they had? He squeezes his eyes shut and wishes he could do the same with his ears.</p><p>Eleanor starts shaking her head. She still doesn’t believe him. Louis feels guilt wrench his heart. He feels absolutely terrible for making another person cry tonight. He gets up from his seat and walks over to her. He places his hands on her shoulders and she forces her gaze away. Lottie stands back and gives them space. Harry feels Gemma hold him tighter. Thank god for older sisters. Honestly. Thank god for their motherly ways, tender love and care and just understanding without being told anything.</p><p>“I tried for so long to bury a promise I made and start a new life with you. I tried me best Eleanor. Tried to be a good boyfriend to you. Tried to make our life comfortable despite all the stress and drama that came with it. It’s just… there was always that little voice in me head tellin’ me that I was bein’ unfair to you. Bein’ dishonest with meself.”</p><p>“Oh god.” Eleanor cries and puts a hand up to cover her face. Lottie forces Louis back and takes Eleanor into a hug.</p><p>“Eleanor please try to understand. I did love you! One of the things I learned is that love comes in varyin’ degrees. We love people in different ways. The way I love you is different from the way I love Harry.”</p><p>He bites his tongue. He didn’t mean to drag Harry’s name into the conversation so soon. He knew Eleanor was smart enough to figure it out but speculating is one thing and saying it out loud is another.</p><p>Harry feels butterflies at the mention of his name. Louis just confessed his love in front of the sisters. <em>That’s wild.</em></p><p>“It would be dishonest of me to pretend that you’re the one I want to spend the rest of me life with.”</p><p>Harry feels his heart burst with confetti or something to that extent. <em>Rest of me life???</em> Is Louis expecting Harry to spend the rest of his life with him??</p><p>Eleanor doesn’t respond to that. She continues to silently cry in Lottie’s soothing hug.</p><p>“Okay…” Lottie says. “Are you done humiliating her in front of the room?” She asks rudely.</p><p>“WHAT?” Louis shouts back. “I’m not humiliatin’ her. I’m trying at the exact opposite thank you very much.” He gives Lottie a snarling look.</p><p>“Eleanor… I want everyone in this room to know how much respect and love I have for you!! It’s not me intention to make you look bad. On the contrary, I think you’re such a special person and I would love it if you’d stay in our lives.”</p><p>Louis forces Lottie back from the embrace and takes Eleanor into his arms instead. He rubs a few soothing circles on her back and whispers into her ear. The room doesn’t hear it but whatever he says has her nodding and choking back tears.</p><p>“Please El?” He says pulling back a bit. She nods her head a few times before whispering “okay.”</p><p>He turns around and looks to Gemma and Lottie. “I mean it… what I said about all of us stayin’ friends and havin’ respect for one another. I probably don’t deserve that respect seein' that I’m the culprit and all but me only request is that you lot treat her with kindness and respect. She’s done so much for me and I am grateful to her. I mean, if she’d let me, I’d still like to be a part of her life.”</p><p>Gemma nods throughout his rant and finally says. “Of course. No hard feelings. I love Eleanor just as much as anyone in this room.” She draws her arm back from where it’s propped against Harry and nudges him in the ribs with her elbow. Harry gets her message. Gemma gets up and squeezes Eleanor into a hug. “Please don’t be upset.” Gemma pleads with sorry eyes.</p><p>Eleanor nods with her lips still pressed together and tries to say okay.</p><p>Gemma moves away from her and Harry stands next in line. What the fuck does he say? There’s nothing HE can say to ease her broken heart. He feels terrible.</p><p>He wraps his arms around her and kisses her cheek. Being kind comes naturally to him. He tries to steady his nerves. He usually has the right words for this sort of thing but nothing seems to come to mind.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” He finally whispers and finds himself tearing up with the words. He and Eleanor naturally fall into a deeper hug and cry in rhythm together. Gemma gives them a few seconds together before she joins their heart wrenching hug and offers words of console. Harry is really grateful for Gemma. Truly is.</p><p>Behind them, Lottie glares at Louis and he gives her a ‘<em>what?</em>’ look. She tilts her head and gives him a coy smile. She uncrosses her arms and waits for him to pull up into a hug. <em>There’s a lot of hugging tonight. </em></p><p>She doesn’t say anything but Louis doesn’t need to hear it. He knows exactly the sort of words meant by this hug and it means the world to him. He squeezes her tightly around the waist and whispers “Thanks Lottie.”</p><p>When Harry and Eleanor finally let each other go. Louis places a hand behind Eleanor’s back and turns back to the room. “So can we all remain friends now?” He asks as the others nod back with tears or faint smiles.</p><p>“I should go.” Eleanor whispers to him.</p><p>“I’ll come with you.” Lottie says slipping her fingers through Eleanor’s.</p><p>Louis nods with another sincere smile and looks at Eleanor with remorse. He feels guilty about it all but he can’t keep stringing her along. It’s unfair to them both. To their friends and families and even to Harry. No one is winning in the end. This had to be done sooner than later.</p><p>“Would you like me to walk you down?” He whispers to Eleanor and she shakes her head no. “I’d like to be alone, thanks.”</p><p>He nods his head understandingly and steps back so that she can walk out.</p><p>“Oh.. El!” He calls back to her and stops her in her tracks.</p><p>“You can go back to me house. I’ll give you space and crash someplace else.”</p><p>She looks like she’s about to fight back another round of tears but Lottie forces her to walk away instead.</p><p>Gemma and Harry sit back on the bed. Louis goes back to the chair and props his legs up. He sits back in his seat and exhales loudly as he closes his eyes. Silent descends and for a minute and he forgets that Harry and Gemma are in the room with him until Gemma’s voice startles him.</p><p>“Here you go.” She whispers. Louis opens his eyes and sees that she passes Harry some tissues. He watches them together. Not a single bad bone in their bodies. The Styles are something else. He loves the way she puts an arm around his shoulder and how Harry curls into her neck. He watches as Gemma rubs her cheek against Harry’s hair and then plants a kiss to his head. He watches them fondly. He finds himself thinking what a great support she is to Harry and wishes he could’ve been that for his sister Fizzy. He bites his lips together… no more dwelling on that thought. What’s gone is gone… moving forward he will try better at his relationships with his siblings and even his son, Freddie. Life is too short not to be there for one another. He learnt that the hard way. </p><p>“You want to lay down?” She asks Harry gently and he whispers ‘Yes.’</p><p>She and Harry shuffle on the bed and lay down. She looks at him with eyes wide and a smile spreading on her face. “Had a good birthday?” She teases trying to bring him out his misery and back to the intended mood for his birthday. He shoots her a look and says “It’s been a dense day.”</p><p>Louis smiles from his spot and can’t help but join in the conversation. “I’m really sorry Harry. I am sorry for crashin’ your party tonight. Really, REALLY didn’t plan for any of it to happen.”</p><p>Harry and Gemma glance back at him. “You’ve had quite the night yourself!” Gemma says. “You must be feeling exhausted.”</p><p>“Thanks Gemma…”</p><p>“Come lay with us.” She says daringly.</p><p>Harry neither protests or agrees. Louis shakes his head why not and unfolds his hands from his lap. He lays down next to Harry and three of them stare up at the ceiling in silence.</p><p>“When do you think you’ll leave?” She turns on her side and asks Harry.</p><p>He shrugs, still looking up at the ceiling. “Think I’ll just crash here tonight. I’m too tired to move.”</p><p>“Crash here?”</p><p>“Yeah… I’ve got the place until tomorrow.”</p><p>She nudges him in the ribs. “Why didn’t you say so earlier?” She asks offended. “Could’ve packed my toiletries and pajamas.”</p><p>“I wasn’t planning on staying.” Harry says looking to her. “Besides, you are welcome to crash here.”</p><p>She gives him a ‘please’ look. “You know I’m not that spontaneous. I refuse to go to bed without a shower and removing all this cake on my face. Besides, I need spare underclothes. I’ll just get an uber to the Hotel.”</p><p>Harry shrugs again. “Suit yourself.”</p><p>Louis feels a little out of place. Perhaps he should excuse himself too but he feels like he’s still got things to say to Harry except he doesn’t know what.</p><p>“Alright boys.” She says sitting up. “I better get going.” She smiles at Harry and flicks a strand of hair away from his face and says “Happy birthday again. I had lots of fun. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Harry and Louis exchange parting greetings and Gemma sets off.</p><p>The room fills with silence again except for Harry and Louis shallow breathing. </p><p>“Loueh.” Harry whispers under his breath.</p><p>“Yes Harry?”</p><p>"What did you mean by loving me and El differently?"</p><p>"Hmmm... " Louis squints his eyes and tries to think of his answer.</p><p>"Well... it's like this right.... With El I have this deep respect for her, I care for her and treasure her. She's been through so much with me. I love her for the companionship and for getting along with me effortlessly. She's like a good friend. In a weird way, we just fit together."</p><p>Harry feels his heart shatter into a million pieces. The words just sting.... they bite at him and it feels like Louis is drowning him with his words. Harry regrets even asking the question. </p><p>"But with you... " Louis says, propping up on one elbow and looking down at him. </p><p>"It's like an insatiable hunger. I can't get enough of it. Like I'm constantly yearnin' for you." He bites his lip and glares at Harry. Harry feels the words and Louis' blue eyes penetrate him. <em>It feels good. Oh god, it feels so good!</em> It feels like the breath his body has been waiting for. The breath that will bring him back to life.</p><p>"I just want to gravitate towards you every time I see you. I want more than just companionship from you. I want to just bask in your love, your voice. God... your voice... I just want to be able to hear all me life. This is going to sound weird but..." Louis looks away into the distance, squinting his eyes again. Just as Louis finds the words a knock at the door startles him and he stops. “Can I come in?” Liam’s voice asks from outside.</p><p>“Right on lad!” Louis shouts a little too loud next to Harry’s ears. “Sorry.” He says looking back down at him. “Sorry.” He winces. He's a little upset that Liam interrupts their moment but he is certain he'll have plenty of chances later. </p><p>“Liammmmm.” Louis says.</p><p>“I saw the girls come downstairs so I thought I’d come up and say good night.”</p><p>“Where are the other lads?” Louis asks.</p><p>“Went home already. Zayn's on nightshift duty and Niall was too tired.”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“Everything go alright?” Liam says with gentle concern.</p><p>“Yeah… it was good.” Louis answers. “Time will heal everythin’ so…” He shrugs.</p><p>“Right.. yeah.” Liam winces. “So listen Louis, the lads and I got talking and we sorta figured out whose to blame for everything that's happened.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Louis asks.</p><p>“Well, to put it simply… Modest gave you an ultimatum right?”</p><p>“Right… and…?”</p><p>“If they hadn’t given you the ultimatum, then you and Harry wouldn’t have broken up and the tension wouldn’t have caused us to split.”</p><p>“Oh come off it Liammm.” Louis says. “Thanks for tryin’ to make me feel better but I made the decision meself.”</p><p>“No…” Liam says adamantly. “You didn’t have any decision to make.” He draws his brows together looking more stern and serious. “Louis they played you.” He takes a seat on the bed. “Don’t you see? They gave you an ultimatum which you were forced to accept and then they kept you on a tight leash. They must have been afraid that you’d expose them to the media and say they threatened to kick you off.”</p><p>Louis looks on carefully, inspecting his words.</p><p>“That’s why they let you feel important… kept bringing you in to make decisions… they were just trying to please you and keep you happy so that you don’t expose them.”</p><p>Louis feels Harry sit up in bed. He looks over and sees that Harry’s eyes are glowing with interest.</p><p>“I don’t know.” Louis says with uncertainty. “That’s quite the conspiracy Liam.”</p><p>“It’s not a conspiracy. It’s exactly what happened.”</p><p>Louis chews the inside of his mouth and looks around the room.</p><p>“I suppose they did seem too eager to please me at times but I figured it’s cause I was stubborn and they didn’t want me to make noise.”</p><p>Liam shakes his head at him like he wants Louis to see the evidence before him. “That’s exactly it. They didn’t want you to make any noise!”</p><p>“If you agree that Modest is to be blame for everything then I may be willing to forgive you.” Harry pipes up.</p><p>Louis follows Harry’s voice and finds him looking on with eagerness.</p><p>“I don’t know lads.” Louis voice falls quiet. “Just don’t want to pass blame and be a coward about me mistakes and all, doesn’t feel right.”</p><p>Liam gives Harry a look of surrender.</p><p>“I’ll have a think on it.” Louis adds in.</p><p>“Good.” Liam says. “We are all convinced this is Modest’s doing. Think on it and you will see that it is true.”</p><p>Liam stands up to stretch. “Alright. I’m calling it a night. Anyone wanna share a cab or a car at Revolve’s expense?” He smiles in attempt to lighten the mood.</p><p>“I’m staying back.” Harry says.</p><p>“I’m goin’ to hang around for a little bit thanks.” Louis follows.</p><p>“Alright then. I’ll escort myself out.” He waves goodbye and closes the door behind him.</p><p>Louis sighs when Liam leaves and falls back onto the bed without looking. Harry shrieks with pain. “Owww Louehhhh!!” Harry shouts.</p><p>“Sorry! sorry!” Louis shouts sitting back up to assess the damage. He sees Harry holding his shoulder where Louis had crushed him. “You okay?”</p><p>“’M fine…” Harry mumbles under his breath.</p><p>“Need me to kiss it all better?”</p><p>“No thanks.”</p><p>Louis raises his eyebrows up in defeat. “Alright.” He looks back at the bed and lays down with more grace.</p><p>The room falls silent again and the two of them don’t stir. There are so many things Louis wants to say or explain but he doesn’t know how any of it will matter when Harry’s already heard enough.</p><p>“Will you really forgive me if I pass blame?” Louis whispers.</p><p>Harry rubs his hands over his hipbones and pauses. “Maybe.” He likes the way the bones protrude when he lies down. He traces over them again.</p><p>“Why are you more likely to forgive me then?” Louis asks gently.</p><p>“Because I can re-channel my anger towards them for malicious intent and exploiting a minor instead of blame you for choosing money over love.”</p><p>“But Harry, I didn’t chose money for meself, I chose it for me family. Doesn’t that change anything?”</p><p>Harry falls silent for a few more seconds before whispering back. “It does a little but I can’t forgive you for not telling me about it.”</p><p>Louis places a hand over Harry’s which is still caressing his hip. It’s a little too close for comfort but Harry tries not to think about it.</p><p>“I’m sorry Harry. I know. I should have explained it to you but I was worried that you’d start a riot with Modest and leave or that they’d rip up all our contracts cause I told on them. I was young and naïve. Besides, I figured if you didn’t know the truth then at least we’d still be in the band together and see each other all the time. I genuinely thought we could pretend to be just friends but I ended up pushin’ you away cause it hurt me too much.”</p><p>“See each other?” Harry looks to him. “You avoided looking at me for months!” He adds in.</p><p>“No Harry.” Louis says. “I didn’t lock eyes with you because I was afraid. But I didn’t avoid lookin’ at you. I watched you all the time.” He turns his face and meets Harry’s gaze. “If I could tell you of all the stupid places I hid just to watch you, you’d call me insane… or worse… a pervert.”</p><p>Harry’s eyes widen with shock. “Did you watch me in the washroom?”</p><p>“No!” Louis chuckles. “Good god. Nothin’ that perverted. And really… that’s the first thing you think of? You’ve got a real strange mind Harry!”</p><p>“So where did you hide?” He asks curiously.</p><p>Louis blushes and clears his throat.</p><p>“Don’t even wanna say it. That’s how embarrassin’ it is.”</p><p>“Tell me!” Harry protests.</p><p>“Not unless you promise that me tellin’ you will somewhat help you forgive me.”</p><p>Harry glares at him. “I’m not forgiving you. I don’t want to know.” He looks back at the ceiling and Louis twitches his lips. Harry is proving to be very difficult but Louis accepts his fate. He deserves it. Deserves not to be forgiven. Ever.</p><p> “Okay!” Harry says. “I want to know!” His words come out with anger. Louis doesn’t know what prompts him but he chuckles at Harry’s response. Harry turns on his side and looks down at him. “What sorts of places did you hide in?”</p><p>Louis smiles at him and feels himself blush again. “Alright… alright…” He claps his hands together over his chest and wrestles his own thumbs. “Let me think….”</p><p>Harry beckons him on with his head.</p><p>“Okay.. so there was one time.. remember when we bought that old surveillance van to record music in it?”</p><p>“Yeah…”</p><p>“Well, there was a day when only you had to go in to record your lines for Drag me Down and Perfect.” Louis looks at him and breaks out into laughter. “This is fuckin’ embarrassin’.”</p><p>“Common!!” Harry screams with impatience.</p><p>“Okay… I got Lou to plaster on some wrinkles and make me look like an old man and everythin’ and I sat in the van and heard you sing your parts for 2 hours straight.”</p><p>Harry gives him a baffled look. “Why didn’t you just come sit with me in the back?”</p><p>“There was paparazzi everywhere! Didn’t want a shot of us coming out the back van alone. Besides, I got Carey in on it, him and I sat in the front and he put on the sound so that we can hear you. You fucked up so many times!!! It was hilarious.” Louis laughs.</p><p>Harry pretends to punch his chest. “This is more embarrassing for me than it is for you.” He pretends to be mad with Louis.</p><p>“I swear… I swear they get worse for me.”</p><p>He clears his throat. “Okay, once in Japan, I properly hid in a locker inside your change room and watched you write in your journal. I had to wee so bad, I texted Liam to grab you and force you out the room.”</p><p>“Heyyy. I remember that!!” Harry’s eyes focus trying to remember the details. “He was bringing me to see the new calendars except they hadn’t been printed yet and he got all flustered about it.”</p><p>Harry shoots him a concerned look. “Did Liam know about this?”</p><p>“No… he didn’t.” Louis shakes his head. “Liam never pried much.”</p><p>“That’s still a violation of my privacy.”</p><p>“I know.. I’m sorry. I just… it felt like every time I turned to look at you, you changed. You were growing up so fast and I hated it. Wanted to keep up with you but didn’t want to watch you in an obvious way so I fell into this strange obsession of stalking you.” He winces at the admission. “I’m a proper freak. I know.”</p><p>“What else?” Harry doesn’t seem to be too bothered with Louis’ confession and Louis feels a little relieved.</p><p>“Well… I’ve hid in recycling bins, food trolleys, your fuckin’ ginormous suitcase, once stayed in the sauna at the Shangri La in your fancy suite while you soaked in the hot tub buck naked.”</p><p>“Heyyyyy…” Harry drawls out. “that’s complete invasion of privacy. I can sue you for that. How’d you even get inside my room?”</p><p>“Front desk gave me a spare key.”</p><p>“Why didn’t they ask me first?”</p><p>“Cause I told them you were feeling sick and I needed to check up on you.”</p><p>“The only one that’s sick is you!!” Harry says.</p><p>“I knowwwww.” Louis unfolds his hands and covers his eyes. “I’m sorry Harry. I just… needed it. I can’t explain it.”</p><p>“Where else did you hide?”</p><p>“Well…” Louis uncovers his eyes now that Harry’s tone has softened. “Generally always stayed back at interviews or whatever room we were in and pretended to be busy or pickin’ up after things so that I can be sure you left as well. I – ”Louis hesitates.</p><p>“What?” Harry asks scrunching his brows.</p><p>“Watched you sleep a lot.”</p><p>“Where?”</p><p>“Everywhere!” Louis retorts. “Tour buses, planes, hotel rooms, backstage… You napped a lot! and we were always in close proximity it was hard not to!”</p><p>Harry falls quiet.</p><p>“Loueh…” He starts and waits for Louis to look at him.</p><p>“Did you kiss me when you watched me sleep?”</p><p>Louis gives him a small smile. “Yeah…” He whispers. “Yeah… I did sometimes.. only if I was sure you were properly knocked out.”</p><p>“I remember one time – ” Harry starts but is cut off by Louis. “We were on the bus and I kissed you, you woke up and I jumped to bottom bunk and pretended to be asleep?”</p><p>Harry stares at him in silence.</p><p>“Yeah.. I did kiss you and sorry I know the next day you tried to ask me about it and I denied it and told you to quit dreamin’ about me.”</p><p>Harry eyes scan Louis’ face.</p><p>“That was on our final tour wasn’t it?” He asks.</p><p>“Yeah… It was…” Louis says. “Was really upset about the hiatus and not havin’ you around all the time. I wanted to… kiss you goodbye I guess.”</p><p>Harry shuts his eyes and exhales. He opens them back up and looks at Louis.</p><p>“I wish you were open and honest with me.” He whispers.</p><p>Louis presses his lips together and nods to himself. “I know Harry…” He sighs. “I wish I had the guts to be honest with you.”</p><p>“You were brave tonight. I wish you had the same guts years ago too.”</p><p>Louis smiles at him. “Yeah… me too Harry.” Louis’ voice falls quieter. “I’m tryin’ to fix it now. I’ll try to be better at it yeah?”</p><p>“Okay.” Harry whispers.</p><p>“You know what I really want to do?” Louis asks and closes his eyes. Harry’s deep voice doesn’t help his fight against sleep.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I feel I want to get away, someplace far… just in the wilderness, like mountains or valleys and just run… run for days… just push meself to the limits.”</p><p>Harry doesn’t respond. He lets Louis imagine himself there behind his closed eyes.</p><p>“I want to just clear me head and think about everythin’ I’ve done.” His voice grows softer and distant.</p><p>“I want to stop only when I’ve cleared it all up… I want it to hurt… like physically… and when I emerge from the mountain hills… I want to climb down and strip of all me clothes and walk into the sea…”</p><p>Louis pictures himself in that moment. The tears run dry and replaced by sweat that clings to his hair and face. The throbbing pain in his heart replaced by the throbbing pain his body. The heat in his body begs to dip in the cold sea water. He is on the beach and slowly takes off clothes wincing at the stiffened muscles. He starts to walk towards the sea naked and all alone. He feels the cold sting of water bite his body but it’s a welcomed feeling. He walks in deeper and deeper, leaving behind the frayed shells and tiny stones and stepping on firmer ground. Just sand and water. He dives in and submerges himself under water until he is gasping for air. He comes to the surface and lays back floating weightless. He closes his eyes and hears the waves crashing and birds singing overhead. The droplets of water begin to evaporate from his skin and replaced by the sun’s hot sting. He falls into a peaceful lull and lets the waves carry him wherever it deems fit.</p><p>Harry watches as Louis drifts further and further into his sleep. For the first time that day, he looks peaceful.</p><p>Harry studies his face. Sees all the stress lines that have etched onto his face. Louis’ had more hurdles to overcome than the rest of them. That is true. And it shows. It shows on his face. Harry ghosts his fingers over Louis’ forehead and sweeps his fringe to one side. Louis’ lashes are so beautiful. He smiles to himself.</p><p>Harry can’t bring himself to look away and wonders if this is what it was like for Louis too. He can understand now. He didn’t want to miss out. Harry looks down at Louis chest that rises up and down slowly. He’s had a rough day. Harry doesn’t know what possessed Louis to put himself through so much but he remembers Louis telling him it was all for him. In an effort to win Harry back. Perhaps there’s truth in it yet.</p><p>Harry’s leans down and kisses Louis’ forehead. He doesn’t mean to surrender too easily but he can’t help himself and whispers “I forgive you Louis.”</p><p>Louis jolts awake. He tries to open his eyes but the lights are blinding. He brings a hand to shield his eyes. For a moment he forgets where he is but when he smells and feels Harry pressed against him, he remembers and the realization hits him quickly.</p><p>“Sorry.” He mumbles. “Did I fall asleep on you?”</p><p>“It’s okay.” Harry says. “You should get some sleep.”</p><p>“I should get going.” Louis tries to sit up but Harry’s hand stops him. “Loueh… just sleep. We have the place rented out for the night. You are too tired to go home.”</p><p>Louis looks at Harry like he is contemplating it. “You sure?” He asks.</p><p>“Yeah…” Harry whispers and taps his chest reassuringly. Louis places a hand over it and stills it from tapping. “Should I go sleep in a different room?” Louis asks.</p><p>Harry falls silent and looks away from Louis’s lips and back up to his eyes.</p><p>“No… sleep right here.”</p><p>Louis feels excited and relieved at Harry’s response. He toes his shoes off gently. He and Harry both get up without further conversation and pull the bed covers back. Harry dashes into the washroom quickly and Louis removes his jeans. He slides into the bed with his t-shirt and boxers on. Harry comes back clad in a t-shirt and boxers as well. Louis excuses himself to wee and when the two finally settle in bed together, Harry finds himself closing the gap and pressing his side into Louis. Louis gives him a smile that makes his eyes crinkle. Harry loves that smile. He shows him some dimples and the two sigh together. There are no words to describe these moments. Just feelings and emotions that linger the air. Feelings that are too familiar.</p><p>“I want a cuddle.” Harry says with a sheepish grin.</p><p>Louis smiles wider. “Come here love.”</p><p>The word makes Harry’s heart flutter. He hasn’t heard that word in years. He feels a smile spreading on his face. He turns on his side and places his head down on Louis’ outstretched arm. He throws his own arm over Louis’ chest. Harry is so close to his face that he feels Louis’ stubble tickle his nose. He can smell him. Smell the Louis he once knew. Smell the Louis that was his. He nuzzles his nose into Louis’ neck and it draws a little gasp from Louis. He can’t help it. Harry’s hot breath against his neck sends shivers down his spine. He lays still after the gasp that escapes and prays that it doesn’t upset Harry. Harry is ‘obviously’ not upset because Louis feels him press a kiss to his neck. Louis feels his body heat up and the electricity that shoots through him only magnifies it’s response. He licks his lips. God he misses this.</p><p>Harry’s fingers now softly caress over Louis’ chest and he can’t bring himself to tell Harry to stop because it’s turning him on. He feels himself getting harder. Harry seems to tease him on purpose because a second lingering kiss is pressed to his neck doubled with a hot breath that makes Louis tremble.</p><p>“Harry.” He whispers and brings a hand to still Harry’s wandering fingers.</p><p>“Loueh?” Harry moves away from his neck and looks at him.</p><p>Louis chuckles lightly at his nerves. “I need you to stop.” He says. Harry doesn’t move. His breathing almost seems to halt.</p><p>“You’re turning me on.” Louis confesses and turns his head to look at him. Except now their faces are only inches away and Louis sees Harry’s eyes track down to his lips. That’s it. The primal drives have won. Louis flings himself at Harry and locks their lips together. He forces Harry on his back and gets on top of him. When his hips land on Harry’s crotch he finds that Harry is harder than him. “Fuckkkk..” Louis gasps as he separates from their kiss. Harry’s hands force him back down with desperation. He and Harry kiss aggressively as though they’ve pent up the desire to kiss all day. Perhaps they have. Only you know.</p><p>Louis bites at his lips and Harry moans slightly. Harry digs his nails into Louis’ back, he wants more, and that only fires Louis up. Louis grinds his hip against Harry and Harry shuts his eyes and moans with desperation. “It feels so good.” Harry whimpers against his head when Louis dives onto his neck. He runs his tongue along Harry’s jaw and down to his neck. He finds the crease between Harry’s neck and shoulder and sucks out a loud kiss. He knows this is Harry’s sensitive spot. He teases him with more wet kisses and tongue before biting down and sucking on his flesh. He continues to grind his hips against Harry who moans loudly. “Louehhhhhh…” He pleads with one hand on the back of Louis’ head tugging at his hair and the other still sinking into Louis’ back.</p><p>Louis pulls back from his neck and meets his lips again. Harry kisses him desperately and Louis feels torn between stopping or going on. He teases Harry lips with his tongue and steals another kiss before forcing himself back.</p><p>“Harry.” He says panting for breath. He takes one of Harry’s hand and places it against his cheek, he kisses Harry’s fingers and palm. “Harry I can’t do this.” He finally says.</p><p>Harry looks at him feeling hurt.</p><p>“I don’t want to take advantage of you.” Louis says and Harry shakes his head no.</p><p>Louis forces himself off and lays next to him propped on one elbow. “Harry… I’ve dropped a big load on you today. I don’t think this is a good idea. We both have a lot to think about and you still haven’t even forgiven me. Please…” He pleads. “Please don’t be mad.” Harry looks visibly upset and a little sad. “I want this A LOT more than you do. Trust me! I’ve been aching to get me hands on your grown man body! Just don’t think tonight is appropriate.” Harry knows Louis is in the right. If he still has a shred of dignity, he too should bow out. He studies Louis’ features a little longer. Louis leans down and kisses him on the nose.</p><p>Alright… Harry thinks. “I understand…” He whispers.</p><p>“I’ll give you proper sex when you forgive me yeah?”</p><p>Harry wants to tell him he’s already forgiven him but a part of him stops him from saying it. <em>Don’t give in too easily</em>. It tells him. <em>Take your time. No reason to rush it.</em></p><p>Harry feels himself smile. “Okay… I look forward to it.” He says with a hint of challenge.</p><p>Louis chuckles and runs his fingers through Harry’s hair. “And I look forward to you forgiving me.”</p><p>Harry smiles again. “Alright. Let’s sleep. I wanna be little spoon.”</p><p>Louis quirks a brow and grins. “Okay, little spoon. On your side then.”</p><p>Harry steals one last glace at him and turns over to face the wall. He feels Louis press against him from behind and readjust their blanket. Harry lets out a silent moan when he feels Louis’ hard cock press up against his bum. He’ll need to forgive Louis soon. That much he is sure of.</p><hr/><p>It takes a year for Louis to sort out his life. He and Zayn make up for good. Eleanor keeps her word and comes around from time to time. Harry forgives Louis a few weeks after his birthday. Louis puts out another Album littered with songs about trust, love, being true to oneself, and breaking out of a self-confined prison. He and Harry make their relationship public and they are the headlines for months on end. They attend interviews together and get asked all sorts of questions which Louis sometimes refuses to answer publicly. Harry always tries to distract away by talking about important things like the future. ‘No use dwelling on the past’ he says and Louis almost always follows up with ‘what’s happened, happened.’ He says it so often that he thinks it may be his next tattoo.</p><p>Louis starts going to counselling after Harry urges him to get help for his ongoing guilt that consumes him. Louis resists at first but after a lot of pestering, he gives in and finds that it actually does help.</p><p>They try to get together often but their schedules keep pulling them apart and Harry doesn’t mind it. He finds that yearning for Louis is a good feeling and when they meet again it feels entirely new and exciting.</p><p>Louis ends up going on that running spree he wanted to do so badly. He flies out to Australia and does a run through the mountains for 3 days. Except he’s not able to run so much and finds himself walking most it but the fatigue and body aches still get him all the same. When he finishes his hike of ‘past grievances’ (as he self-titles it), he finds Harry waiting at the end.</p><p>It’s a feat he is proud of because it changes him and he feels like a new person. Harry beams with pride and holds him tightly when Louis cries in his arms and tells him “I did it Harry… I finally let it all go” and “I’ve finally forgiven meself.”</p><p>It’s another year later when Louis surprises Harry with tickets to Amalfi for his birthday. Harry is excited to go back and show Louis all the spots used for his Golden video.</p><p>“Isn’t it beautiful?” Harry asks Louis who is standing next to him on the balcony. Louis looks around in awe. “The waves are massive!” He says.</p><p>“I can’t believe Liam, Niall and Zayn are here. Why didn’t you tell me you planned a whole party?”</p><p>Louis grimaces. It was meant to be a surprise but of course they boys were caught by fans dining in Positano. It took a few seconds for the photos to spread like wildfire and #1DinAmalfi started trending. </p><p>“It was meant to be a surprise.” Louis says annoyed at his plans getting ruined. Okay not all his plans were ruined but still … that was a big part of it.</p><p>Louis glances down at his watch. He still has time. He looks over to Harry trying to hide any obvious clue that may betray him.</p><p>“Why’d you take so long in the shower?” Louis asks with smirk.</p><p>Harry blushes when Louis’ eyes fall on him. He pretends not to hear that. Louis knows exactly why he took long in there.</p><p>“Did you prep for me?” Louis says, stepping in closer and wrapping his arms around Harry’s waist from behind. Louis stands on his toes and lets his head fall over Harry’s shoulder. Harry giggles when Louis starts to tickle his sides and coughs up a hysterical “YES! Let me go. I did. I did. Louehhhh!” </p><p>Louis lets him go and smirks. “Thought so.” He looks inside their room and at the bed. “The bed looks cozy. Don’t you think?” Harry rolls his eyes. “Common Lou… you can do better than that.”</p><p>Louis licks his lips and tries to keep himself from smiling. The tip of his tongue peeks out from the corner of his mouth. He loves ‘Harry the Diva”.  Harry looks at him briefly and turns away to admire the view. Louis feels the predator in him spring to life. He watches Harry carefully.. studies his hands that wrap around the balcony railing and his long hair that gets swept up by the winds. Louis plans out his attack.</p><p>Louis steps in closer and thrusts his fingers into Harry’s hair.  He grabs himself a handful and yanks Harry’s head back. Harry winces but before he’s had a chance to express his pain he feels Louis press against his lips. The kiss is hard and aggressive and Harry thinks he tastes blood. When Louis releases him from the kiss he continues to taunt Harry by yanking his hair back. “I love it when you challenge me Harry Styles.” Louis says with pupils dilated and a smirk that rests permanently on his face.</p><p>Harry bites down on his own bottom lip. Aggressive Louis gets him hot. He can’t help it. “Come inside.” Louis orders and pulls him to the bed by his hair. “Take off your clothes.” Louis says and lets him go. Harry begins to undress himself and Louis watches on intently. He is already rubbing himself over his shorts. Harry can’t peel his eyes away from Louis’ crotch. He can see Louis grow harder.</p><p>“Get on the bed.” Louis orders again. Harry moves to the bed and lays down perfectly still and completely naked. Louis pulls his shorts off and hovers on top of him. He leans down and kisses Harry softly. He draws back and whispers into his ear again. “I love it when you obey me.” Harry brings his hands up to Louis’ back but Louis quickly forces them off and pins them do to the bed. “No touching unless I give you permission.” Louis hisses. Harry bites on his lip again. Louis leans down and licks Harry’s neck. He runs his tongue over the base of his neck to his chin. He blows on the strip so that Harry can feel the cold sensation.</p><p>Louis bites down on his neck suddenly and Harry feels himself wanting to squirm away or push Louis off but he is still pinned down. He moans when he feels Louis suck on his flesh and bite with hunger. He truly is a predator. Louis wants to devour him. Every inch of him. He bites and sucks on Harry’s neck until Harry is begging to stop. “Say my name.” Louis whispers in his ear. “Louis!” Harry shouts. “Proper name.” Louis says. “Louis Tomlinson.” Louis smiles at him with dark eyes. He fucking loves it when Harry says his name.</p><p>Louis grants his neck some mercy. He uses a leg to force Harry’s legs apart. He brings himself between Harry’s legs and drops his hip. They are both hard. Louis starts grinding against Harry’s pelvis and feels their cocks slap against each other. He brings down a hand and wraps it around their erections. Harry moans at the friction. He uses his free hand to dig into Louis’ hip and Louis lets him. He loves the pain. The desperation of it.</p><p>“Feels so good…” Harry says rolling his eyes back into his head. Louis wants to tease him but he isn’t going to let him cum yet. He leans down to Harry’s lips and kisses him. Harry brings his hand to hold Louis in place and kisses him hard, pleading for some more. Louis loves it when Harry gets desperate for him. “Tell me you’re going to be a good whore for me.” Louis says. “I’m going to be a good whore for you.” Harry repeats. Louis frees their cocks and lifts his hip up. “Tell me what you want Harry Styles.”</p><p>“I want you inside me Louis Tomlinson.”</p><p>“I may just do that.”</p><p>“I also want you to choke me.” Harry says pointing to his neck. Louis wraps a steady hand around Harry’s neck and starts trailing kisses down his chest, over his nipples and down to his abs. He stops in strategic places to suck on Harry’s skin or tease him with some tongue. Louis loves dirty talk and Harry loves a little pain. The two are a perfect match when they fall into their respective roles.</p><p>Louis stops when he reaches Harry’s pelvis and comes back up to kiss him. He loves it when Harry’s face turns darker from being choked. Harry lays still and helpless. Louis kisses Harry’s jaw and tugs Harry’s bottom lip back between his teeth. Harry moans at the pain when Louis releases it.</p><p>Louis relieves Harry from the choke and slides his body further down. He rests on his side propped on an elbow and runs a hand over Harry’s thigh. He leans down and starts kissing his hipbones, tracing the outline with his tongue and biting down where they protrude. He hand trails over Harry’s inner thighs and moves closer to his cock. He looks up to see Harry’s face. He loves seeing Harry’s face when he teases him. Harry looks at him with mouth parted and eyelids drooping. He patiently waits on Louis’ next move.</p><p>Louis moves Harry’s cock to one side after pressing a kiss to his head. He doesn’t want to give him head. He needs Harry to hold off longer. Louis spits into his hand and spreads his spit over his finger. He brings two fingers to Harry’s entrance and starts to rub gentle circles around his rim. He submerges his face in Harry’s pelvis and continues to suck the skin covering his hipbones.</p><p>Harry moans loudly at the touch. “Fuckkkk….” Louis continues teasing him and slowly slides one finger inside which makes Harry’s head drop back with a hiss. Harry’s already loose having prepped himself but Louis loves it all the same. He moves his finger in and out feeling at Harry’s walls and pressing against them. Harry pleads for more. “Say me name again and I’ll give you a second finger.” Louis orders. “LOUIS WILLIAM TOMLINSON!” Harry yells just as Louis thrusts in a second finger catching him off guard. Louis has a name kink. It’s not a kink he enjoys with other people. It’s a specific kink he has with Harry. The way he pronounces his name and articulates the syllables turns Louis on.</p><p>Louis teases him with a few more thrusts before pulling out and asking him for lube. Harry reaches over the table and pours some lube over Louis’ fingers. He uses his own hand to slick Louis fingers. Louis gets on all four and gets back on top. He stays further down and teases Harry with another finger. Louis sits up on knees and uses his free hand to rub out his own erection. “You’re such a good whore.” Louis hisses staring at how easily his three fingers slide in and out of Harry’s ass. He feels his cock throb inbetween his hands. </p><p>Louis pulls his hands free and gets in between Harry’s legs again. He lifts Harry’s legs up and props them onto his shoulder. He puts out a hand and Harry drops some more lube in it. Louis slicks his cock up and lines it up against Harry’s entrance. “Tell me how bad you want it.” Louis says. Harry looks at him with pleading eyes. “I want it bad Lou… please fill me up with cock. I want to feel you inside me.” Louis bites his lip. Loves it when Harry asks to fill him up. He teases Harry’s rim with his head and presses up gently trying to plop his head inside. Harry tries to relax into it and let’s his muscle expand. He feels Louis forcing him to open wider and once his head plops inside the rest of his cock follows smoothly. The feeling is so good Harry arches his back and his rolls his eye into the back of his head again. He and Louis moan together. Louis digs his hands into Harry’s thighs and starts thrusting in and out loosening Harry up. When Harry eases into it Louis starts to thrust harder and that only makes Harry moan louder. What a screamer. Louis loves him for it.  </p><p>“Harder.” Harry begs. And Louis doesn’t need to be told twice. He picks up the pace and pounds into Harry going harder and faster causing Harry’s head to fall back. It’s not coming back up. Louis knows this. He continues to ram into Harry hitting his G spot. He knows where it is. He’s had plenty of practice. Harry lets his hand drop to his own cock and rubs a few strokes. Louis lets one of Harry’s thighs go and leans over and slaps him. Harry moans. Louis slaps him again and squeezes his jaw tightly while still thrusting in him. Louis backs away to get at a better angle and goes even faster almost vibrating inside him. Harry matches his strokes with Louis’ rhythm. His back is arched far too high and he no longer makes a sound. His breathing halts and his body begins to tremble. Then Louis sees it. Sees the strings of cum that shoot out and spill all over his stomach and chest. And then he hears it “Fuckkkkkkkkkkkk.”</p><p>“Don’t stop.” Harry pleads. <em>As if</em>, Louis thinks. He continues to move in and out feeling himself on the edge of an orgasm but there’s just one thing he needs to hear to get the job done.</p><p>“Louis Tomlinson.” Harry says, voice cracking. “My first real crush was Louis Tomlinson.” Harry says and Louis pounds him harder, his head flies back, his eyes close, his mouth parts and his back arches into it. “Ughhhh fuckkk.” Louis groans into his orgasm and stills. “Fuckkkkkkkk.” He says again.</p><p>When he finally opens his eyes, Harry is looking at him grinning. “Fuck Harry…” Louis pants. “That felt so good I nearly blacked out.” He squeezes Harry’s thighs that are still perched over his shoulders and kisses them. “I’m going to pull out and clean up.” He slides out and slowly works off the bed. He brings Harry a few tissues to wipe himself clean and the gentleman that he is, waits by the bed for Harry to hand back the soaked tissues. Louis quickly hops in the shower while Harry lays in bed coming down from his orgasm.</p><p>Louis finishes and throws on a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Harry watches him with one eye snuck open. It’s usually Louis who slacks in bed after an orgasm. Harry finds it a little strange. Louis looks down at his watch. It’s almost time. He feels nervous as fuck and needs a cigarette real bad. He fumbles with his box of cigarettes and sticks one between his lips looking for the lighter.</p><p>When he turns back, Harry’s eyes are open and he smiles at him. “Cravings that bad?” Harry asks him. Louis chuckles and nods. He can’t speak with the cigarette perched on his lips. Louis feels his breathing getting heavier. He doesn’t want to think about it just yet. There’s not enough air in this room. His body begins to tremble with nerves. Okay… this is it. He finds the lighter and walks over to the balcony door.</p><p>“Do me a favor?” Louis says turning back to Harry.</p><p>Harry nods his chin up at him.</p><p>“Look under the bed yeah?” Louis says.</p><p>Harry gives him a look as though he may have misheard him. “Did you just ask me to look under the bed?” Harry says.</p><p>“Look under the bed Harry.” Louis says again and steps onto the balcony. He lights up the cigarette and watches Harry get on the floor. He lifts the comforter up and peers under. There’s a pause and Louis feels the panic in his chest. He feels short of breath and the cigarette does little to coax his nervous. Harry’s head shoots back to look at Louis. His eyes are wide and his mouth is in shock. Louis nods at him to go ahead from outside and Harry’s hand slide under the bed. He grabs the rose and box and sits up on the bed. He puts the rose aside and slowly pulls the cover back. He has no doubt in mind that it is a ring. He knows a ring box when he sees one. Surely enough, he finds a ring embedded in the velvet casing. It’s silver and has a row of green diamonds that run through the middle. His mouth falls even wider. He gets up and walks over to Louis holding the box.</p><p>Louis eyes widens when Harry steps outside.</p><p>“Oiiii!” He shouts. “What are you doin’ lad??!! Put on some clothes!!” He screams.</p><p>“I don’t care.” Harry says.</p><p>“I care!!” Louis shouts. “’m not goin’ to propose to you naked!! Put on me joggers at least!”</p><p>Harry rolls his eyes and Louis snatches the box from his hand. Louis takes a few more drags of his cigarette while Harry throws on the pair of joggers. He is so excited, he doesn’t even care that Louis just ruined their moment. Or maybe he ruined the moment, depending on who you ask.</p><p>Louis tosses his cigarette in the ash tray.</p><p>Harry comes back to the balcony and Louis is already stood waiting. He is beaming at him and Harry feels himself blushing.</p><p>“I knew something was happening!” Harry says. “You’ve been acting so strange!”</p><p>Louis just nods his along “Yeah, yeah.”</p><p>Louis looks down quickly at his watch. Where are they…? He feels a little nervous.</p><p>“Harry…” He starts. “From the first time I laid me eyes on you I knew you were special. I couldn’t keep me hands off you and couldn’t stop looking at you. Harry, you are my life. Without you, I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. I don’t mean for that to sound cliché but you know very well what I mean.” Louis pauses and takes a much needed breath of air. Harry sees Louis’ eyes dart behind him. He turns back to see what Louis is staring at but Louis startles him with a shout. “HARRY!” Harry looks back to him and Louis chuckles at him nervously.</p><p>“HARRY…” He says again and Harry has no idea why Louis is shouting. </p><p>“LIFE OFFERS MANY CHALLENGES LOVE.” He pauses again eyes dancing behind Harry's back. For a second Harry thinks Louis is reading off something and maybe that's the reason he doesn't let Harry turn back. “BUT I CAN NOW STAND HERE AND SAY WITH CONVICTION THAT I CAN ONLY FACE THEM WITH YOU BY ME SIDE. YOU ARE THE REASON I AM STRONG! HARRY EDWARD STYLES, WILL YOU MARRY ME?” He slips the box open and gets on one knee.</p><p>Despite the bizarre tone, Harry can’t help but get emotional. He wipes at the stray tear that runs down his face and gets down on one knee as well. He puts a hand over Louis knee and whispers a broken “Yes Loueh…” He blinks back the tears in his eyes. “I’d be honored to stand by your side.” He adds in while choking back happy tears.</p><p>“I LOVE YOU!” Louis says. “I love you too.” Harry replies. Louis leans over and they kiss. Louis takes the ring out of the box and quickly puts it on his finger. Harry has no idea why Louis makes unnecessary sounds effects while he does it. He figured Louis was the type that gets nervous when proposing but hell, this is next level weird. <em>I guess it’s too late to turn back now,</em> Harry thinks as a chorus of music breaks out behind him.</p><p>“My hands, your hands, tied up like two ships,<br/>Drifting, weightless, waves try to break it.”</p><p>Harry shoots his head back to their room and sees familiar faces. Liam, Zayn and Niall stand by the door and he sees that Liam and Zayn are singing.</p><p>“No…fucking… way!!!!!” Harry says out loud covering his mouth.</p><p>“I'd do anything to save it,<br/>Why is it so hard to say it?,<br/>My heart, your heart, sit tight like bookends,<br/>Pages between us written with no end,<br/>So many words we're not saying,<br/>Don't wanna wait 'til it's gone,<br/>You make me strong”</p><p>They continue to sing while Harry stands up and looks around in complete shock. </p><p>Harry sees that behind the boys there are more faces. Gemma, Michal and Anne stand by the bed. Gemma gives him a thumbs up and his mum blows him a kiss. She definitely crying!! Harry can see it from here. To the right, he finds Lou, Lux, Lottie, Daisy, Phoebe and Mark. Harry is in denial of this reality. <em>No way they are all here. It can't be real.</em> His mouth still hangs open when the band moves onto the chorus.</p><p>“I'm sorry if I say, "I need you",<br/>But I don't care, I'm not scared of love,<br/>'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker,<br/>Is that so wrong? Is it so wrong?,<br/>That you make me strong?”</p><p>He turns back and covers his face when he sees that Louis has joined the chorus and now the whole band sing for him. One Direction is singing to him? <em>This is a dream.</em> Louis turns to Harry when his solo comes up and serenades him. Harry keeps a hand over his mouth. <em>This is too much.</em></p><p>“Think of how much love that's been wasted,<br/>People always trying to escape it,<br/>Move on to stop their heart breaking,<br/>But there's nothing I'm running from,<br/>You make me strong,”</p><p>Louis finishes his solo and the whole room joins the next chorus. Harry’s mouth refuses to close and his eyes refuse to get back to normal size. <em>This is fucking wild.</em></p><p>The chorus takes a second run and Harry looks from one boy to the other in amusement. He misses this!!! He misses them singing together. He can’t stop smiling. Niall and Zayn step forward and sing their next bridge. Harry bites on his lips because its all too endearing. He thinks he may even cry.</p><p>“So, baby, hold on to my heart, yeah,<br/>Need you to keep me from falling apart,<br/>I'll always hold on,<br/>'Cause you make me strong,<br/>I'm sorry if I say, "I need you",<br/>But I don't care, I'm not scared of love,<br/>'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker,<br/>Is that so wrong? Is it so wrong?”</p><p>Harry is beaming. Absolutely beaming. He feels on cloud nine. This is too much excitement. When final chorus comes he can’t help but join in. He and Louis step into the room and the five of them sing together. They stand in one line and sing at the top of their lungs.  </p><p>When the song ends the room erupts in applause, cheers, and whistling and the boys jump into a big hug.</p><p>Harry comes out of it and looks around the room again. He is speechless. He was not expecting this. Louis places a hand on his shoulder and pulls him out of his stupefied trance.</p><p>“Harry… that will always be me favorite song that I wrote for you.”</p><p>And that ladies and gentlemen is how Louis proposed to Harry wearing nothing but Louis’ joggers.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>